It does make me feel kinda sorry for the blackboard.

I was playing with a new Ipad at work yesterday and I asked the question, 'How can they improve on this, how can they make it any cooler? Are we ever going to reach an everything's-been-invented threshold?'

And then someone sent me this.

I guess that would be a no.

If you're living in New Zealand....

....tomorrow night at 9.30 p.m you need to be sitting in front of TV1 watching Five Days in the Red Zone.

It's a doco following a team of police from Alexandra as they decamp to Christchurch on the day of the earthquake.

Compelling, funny and overwhelmingly heartbreaking.

Further to my last post....

So there I was banging on last week about the extraordinary things us (supposedly highly evolved) human beings are doing in the name of beauty. Or in the name of retaining our youthful looks - but just getting it sensationally wrong.

And then in the weekend another example landed in my lap,well, turned up on my screen. For those who don't live in New Zealand, in the weekend a telethon was held to raise money for the Christchurch Earthquake Fund. And telethons being telethons they need celebrities, which is how Nicki Watson ended up back on our screens.

And just who is Nicki Watson ? A model, no longer married to millionaire Eric, and who used to turn up regularly in women's magazines and shows such as Celebrity Treasure Island because... she was a model and married to a guy who was worth about 250 million (but just not currently New Zealand's favourite son. But that's another whole can of worms. )

Last time I saw a picture of her she looked something like this. Just your run-of-the-mill beautiful model party girl divorced from a millionaire.
She's one of those creatures who is the result of some fairly stunning gene collision.

Anyhou, she's been out of the press of late. Apparently she's turned over a new leaf. Been living the quiet life, having turned her back on her party days and living in a rural community south of Auckland, helping out in the local beauty parlour.

So with that in mind I was reasonably surprised to see her looking like this.
She looks like she's been playing with knives.

Actually, that photo doesn't really show her face in all its glory. I've seen moving images of her and I can honestly report that the still image is more flattering cause it now appears her face has lost the capacity to move.

You may think I am making a good story of it but even commenter Esther pointed it out in my last post.

Which is a real shame - she was really attractive, now she just looks odd.

All in the name of beauty.

The aliens are coming !

Today there was an article in the Herald about do-it-yourself-botox and how badly it had gone wrong for some people.

I mean what can you expect when you're injecting your lips with cooking oil?

Oh yeah.

Read the article, it's scary.

I, for one, can't begin to understand what goes through some women's minds.

There's this thing called 'training' that seems to be ignored. If you needed a mole removed, would you consider finding an online do-it-youself site ? Some people would argue it comes down to natural selection and then there's Forest Gump who would argue 'Stupid is as stupid does.'

Anyhou, the images that accompanied the article were frightening. They were lips belonging to an Australian woman who didn't want to be named, but wanted to alert other women to the dangers of online botox buying. So good on her for trying to prevent others from walking in her misguided footsteps.

I can't find the images online but, needless to say, her lips looked like rubber duckys. Take these lips.

Perform a rubber ducky enlargement......and you're beginning to get the picture.

Come to think of it, I would love to transport a fully-botoxed-facelifted-spray-tanned-semi-starved woman from 2011 and plonk them in a dinner party in 1915 and see what the reaction was.

Possibly that some had escaped from the circus.

Fascinating People.

Just to temporarily suspend subjecting you to talking animal posts, I shall share a story from my recent trip to L.A.

It was an incredibly inspiring handful of days and I got to know some really interesting people.

From a writer from Ugly Betty, to an actor from the British soap Holby City, to a couple of Kiwis who have just made their first feature film (and if I could put ten dollars on anyone's career skyrocketing, it would be on those two) right through to Neil, a writer from Noo Yoirck who had his name embroidered on his sweatshirt and tucked his napkin into the top of his shirt while he ate his boiger (he really did talk like that) for lunch.

However the best line I heard was from Mark, the Australian writer. I met him on the last day and asked if he was staying at the hotel where most people were staying.

'Nah mate, I've been staying down the road at the Travel Lodge. But I've loved it. Last night I left here pretty late, went back to my hotel and popped into the bar. I ended up having a drink with a whole lot of midget wrestlers.'

Only in America. (I think).

Oh, the anguish.

Because I am not very complicated and reasonably simple (did I just say the same thing twice?), I generally find not-very-funny-things quite hilarious. Like this dog.

I feel that dog's pain.

P.S You know how I said, a few posts ago, that I was going to stop posting ridiculous animals videos ?

I was lying.

Saturday's Advice.

Since I am doing a lot of work with the police at the moment, I am learning all manner of interesting things.

Today's nugget: if you drive a horse drawn vehicle without lights and you get caught, that'll be a $55 fine, thank you very much.

Just in case you were considering it.

Just Call Me Nostradamus. Or not.

After the first Christchurch earthquake in September I talked about how my old office had taken a hit. My old work colleagues had to relocate while the building was fixed and earthquake strengthened.

After a lot of false starts they were due to move back in February. They started to move their stuff in when they got the news that, actually no, the landlord informed them that the engineers said that since only half of the office had been earthquake proofed they weren't to be allowed back in.

Understandably they were frustrated and angry. When I was told and I scoffed, 'Drama queens! What are the chances of another earthquake?' (Hah!)

Since the February earthquake we haven't seen how the old office stood up due to being in the Red Zone. However today CERA has released a tour of the Red Zone and I got to see how it was was looking.

'Air conditioned' is one way of putting it.

Reason #2374 people should never take anything I say seriously.

Poking the Scorpion

I was in an airport lounge L.A airport as Obama was telling America that Osama bin Laden was dead. It was quite powerful, the entire lounge was silent as they listened. Just as he finished an American middle aged woman wandered over and asked loudly, 'Osama bin Laden is dead? What did he die of? Old age?'

And I turned around and said, 'Nope. Lead poisoning.'