Wise advice.

Last night I was having a glass of wine with a colleague and we were discussing two other colleagues who have recently both been viciously bitch slapped by Life.

'At the end of the day,' she said pragmatically as she stubbed out a cigarette, 'we're all dying. We've just got to make sure we do some really cool shit before we do.'

I think I may get that etched in stone.

I shall never complain about the size of my garage again.

An old friend of mine sent me this..



I have no clue what this man is saying, but I think he is sensational.

Because I'm now obsessed with....

...Awkward Family Pet Photo, I simply cannot resist from inflicting these on you. (Don't fret, it's not as bad as pinky in post below).

The word for today is beige.

B.E.I.G.E

Beige.

And don't you like the art direction in this shot ? The hydrangeas, the picket fence...
When I first saw this photo, I thought the rabbits were guinea pigs (well, guinea pigs with large ears) and my brain immediately took me back to horror of the time I encountered 85 of them.

Oh no, I have successfully creeped myself out.

Have they invented brain colonics yet?

Oh sweet mother of god....

....look what Fat Sparrow (she's not posting regularly right now, she's busy) has shown me.

If you spend a bit of time here, you'll know I waste a lot of time over at Awkward Family Photos, however I've now discovered a whole new world. I'd like to welcome you to the spooky world that is Awkward Family Pet Photos.

I just want to say to that puppy, 'Just because your owners (and I want to emphasize, owners) really want to be reindeer, doesn't mean you have to share their dream. Oh and, ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!'

The family that gets strangled together....
Sorry about posting that one.The horror. And, yes, your arse does look big in that.
The woman wants to know who the dog's hairdresser is.

And finally one that I just don't get. I mean, the first thing that springs to mind is, 'First you must catch the cat...'

Thank you, Countess.

Countess Interrupted (This is all about me! Don't like it... piss off!) has given me a Cherry on Top Award. Which is very kind of her.

Protocol dictates that I tell you three things about me. So in no particular order, here we go...

*I'm good at throwing. But if you spend every morning for eight years throwing stones into the nearby dam while waiting for the school bus, competing against your sister, your brother and the three neighbourhood boys - there really is no excuse.

* When I was trying to get my first job in television, I was living in Australia. I had to send the producer ten story ideas from the newspaper for a children's show. I hadn't watched the show (granted, not my sharpest move) but sent in my ten story ideas and, in due course, got the rejection call, 'I think you're more suited to current affairs', he said.

Now, I really wanted that job. So I immediately sat down (still without watching the show) got ten more story ideas out of the paper and sent them to him with a letter saying, 'I think you're being a xenophobic, narrow-minded worry wart who is showing his age, so I'm giving you another chance.' I attached balloons to my application and couriered my second application over to him.

I got the job.

*I am outrageously bad at booking flights. But that possibly doesn't surprise you, especially those who know me.

And now there has to be a photo... sorry, couldn't decide...

I have a thing for the thing for beaches and the moon.

And finally, I must play it forward, so here we go:

Injaynesworld

Infantasia

Tagged, you're it !

A great yarn....as long as you're not in the least bit involved.

I've been sitting on this story for some weeks now. You may have already heard it, as no doubt it's urban mythed its way around the world (and is now a feature film starring Danny DeVito and Michael Douglas).

I think it's funny as hell, but that's only because I'm not remotely involved in any way with any one associated with the tale - it's a two degrees of separation number for me.However it appears Karma has a sense of humour and it has come back to bite me on the arse, but more of that later.
The main guy, let's call him Officer Bob ( Michael Douglas) was at work and he got a call from his Down's syndrome brother, 'I've caught a troll ! I've caught a troll!' His younger brother excitedly told him.

Now Officer Bob didn't believe his brother, but during the course of the morning he got a few more of these calls. His brother is a big guy and he lives on his own. So when Officer Bob was out cruising the streets he thought he should just swing by just to check everything was okay.

He went in to his brother's house and he heard a banging sound.

His brother rushed to him excitedly and exclaimed, 'I've caught a troll! I've been feeding it chocolate biscuits !Look!'

Officer Bob followed the banging sound to a wardrobe. He opened the door.....and inside was.....a dwarf.

I would imagine - by this stage - a somewhat angry dwarf (Danny DeVito). I'm sorry, but chocolate biscuits or no chocolate biscuits, a wardrobe's no place to be - especially when you've been put there against your will.

But I love this story, I think it's the naive delighted innocence of the Down's guy.

Yeah I know, not so much fun for the dwarf.

And I'd really like to say that's where the story ends.

But, oh no, there's more.

Anyway, I've told this story to two groups of friends and both, totally independently of each other, have pointed to me at the end of the story and squealed with delight, 'Troll!' Then fell about in peals of laughter.

And then taken off on a tsunami of troll jokes, all featuring me. 'Do trolls have opposable thumbs?' Yup, my friends are a riot.

My cousin's husband immediately reached for his phone and renamed me 'Troll' - having said that, I was already in there under Swampbeast. The love.

And then I got a text from my cousin last week:

'Father to daughter. Who put that toothpaste on the blind?'

Minikate (7): 'Trollkate, or Princesstrollkate. What do we call her?'

Sigh. Two words, fully and screwed.

Overheard in Office

Guy – holding bananas as though they were guns: ‘My diet today consists of only eating food that you can shoot people with.’

‘Nother conversation:

‘Did you know my last boyfriend’s family was worth 85 million pounds?’

‘Why did you break up with him?’

‘He had a massive cocaine addiction....that he’d downgraded from a heroin addiction.’

‘You should have hung in there.’

‘That’s what he said.’