John Cleese Genius.

The English Office sent me this recently and, oh my, it made me hoot.

It's an article by John Cleese on different country's terrorist threat levels.

The shameless cutting and pasting starts here.

ANNOUNCEMENT

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re- categorized have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

And it goes on. I thoroughly recommend you go and read it. However I just have to throw a couple of other references. The Italians:

Italy has increased the alert from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

And the Australians:

"Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Three more escalation levels remain:"Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie is canceled."

And from the the Things-you-may-not-know-about-John-Cleese-File. His father's last name was actually Cheese, but his father changed the family name in 1915 upon joining the army.

Don't say you never learn anything here.

But if he does it again, I'll kill him.

Wow, what a few weeks it's been.

Wall to wall work and then my father thought he'd spice things up by throwing a wee heart attack into the mix.

Not ideal for all concerned.

I'm delighted to report that a couple of hospitals and some heart hardware later he informs me his health status is officially 'A Box of Fluffies'.

I knew the world was returning to normal when I got a text from my sister after he'd just got home, 'Dad is checking his spuds.'

But, being the glorious bastard my father is, do you know what his line is for his mates who he knows will give him stick for potentially being an old bugger?

'At least I've had mine. Yours is coming.'

RIP REM

I stole this from Popbitch cause it's simply too good not to.

Proper service will resume next week.

Please keep stopping by!

I've haven't abandoned this. It's just I've done the whole bitten-off-more-than-I-can-chew thing.

Currently also working for Mr. M. Mouse, so a bit too busy.

Be yapping in a few days.

(She says, trying to stop herself spinning).

Communication with the Tooth Fairy.

Email this morning from my sister with a photo of Seven-year-old niece sans her third tooth. With the amount of indoor-outdoor flow in that child's mouth right now, she could eat a carrot through a tennis racket racket.

What I love is the letter she had written for the Tooth Fairy. In it she said that she and several friends, "are up for training to be a fairy. I'm also wondering if there are any other types of fairys? From Seven-year-old-niece, a friend, another friend, another friend and another friend. PS: Mainly from Seven-year-old-niece!!! PPS: Nine-year-old niece wants to be a fairy too. PPPS: what's the difference between a pixie and a fairy?"

I'm dying to know what the Tooth Fairy's response was.

You know when the Rugby World Cup is about to start when...

...you're at your local cafe (which is a stone's throw from Eden Park) and you notice a new face amongst all the regulars.

Except this new face is not quite the same as the other faces. This new face is dressed stunningly.

A beautifully tailored leather jacket, a skirt to the ground. A bit like this but floatier.

Olive skinned, manicured, pedicured, minimalist makeup. Diamonds, not the size of my head but closer to the size of rice, in her ears.

Understated yet so stylish.

Basically, if you ever wanted to feel like a bush pig, this is the woman to stand beside.

When she ordered her coffee, it was with a French lilt.

If you ever wanted to sound like a bush pig, this is the woman to stand beside. (Could someone explain why a French accent makes, 'May I please have an espresso?' sound so much more interesting).

You tell the blokes were thinking, 'Smoking hot' and the women were thinking, 'I felt quite good when I left the house, now I feel like Barney Rubble'.

Yes, a taste of the next six weeks to come.

It's going to be fun.

Yay!

Happy Spring!Who-hoo. I absolutely adore spring!
And I don't know whether it's because it means winter is over or that summer is coming.