Joke Time

What are the first three letters of the Greek alphabet?

I.O.U.

Thank you Popbitch.

Further to my Last Post

Further to the conversation I told you about in my last post, I received this email from the bloke I had the conversation with:

On 25/05/12 2:31 PM, "A Director" @companyIwork for.com> wrote:

Just letting you know InsertnameofEditor and I have decided it’s in the company’s best interests to adopt EDRS for Showwemake. Insertnamesofanother Director & Editor are already using the Edit Decision Review System successfully. EDRS is an internationally recognised benchmark for quality television production allows for only one change per episode. It’s very cheap and amazingly quick to install.

However if you do wish to proceed, use EDRS  sparingly because the system allows for one decision or change only per episode. Whatever layers of bureaucracy you report to, are not necessarily anything to do with us or the Union (See Insertnameofanother Editor working for company).

To which I replied:

On 25/05/12 2:44 PM, "Laughy Kate" @companyIworkfor.com> wrote:

Just letting you and Editor  know that I have just  had approved by management WKSGM for  Insertnameofshowwemake, effective immediately. 

WKSGM is also an internationally recognised benchmark for quality television production and if you’re not familiar with it – it is an acronym for What Kate Says Goes, Motherfuckers. 

I hope you will enjoy  this cutting edge, exciting initiative as much as I will. 

Just Another Day at the Office

So there I am sitting at my desk, watching down a compile of a show I’m making.  Hear something. Ring the edit suite.

Bloke on my Team:  ‘Hello?’

Me: ‘No, no, no, no, no! You cannot adds farts!’

Bloke on my Team: ‘What farts?’

Me: ‘The two farts you added!’

Bloke on my Team: ‘What farts?’

Me: ‘ The one at 02:14 and the one at 04:05! ’

Bloke on my Team : ‘Who was farting? What are you talking about?’

Me: ‘You two have the collective mental age of 14!’ (Their collective age is about eighty).

Bloke on my Team: ‘But farts are funny!’

Me: ‘Not if you’re me when I’m putting this show in front of X (important person), X (another important person) and Y ( another important person who it’s a wise idea not to piss off). 

Bloke on my Team (a sigh so heavy with emotional disappointment that you would be forgiven for thinking that I’d just fired him). ‘Oh, okay, we’ll take them out’.

Me: ‘Thank you’.

Bloke on my Team: ‘But you never know, we might have already added some more in other places.

Me: I would print my response but it’s not that polite. So I’ll show you a picture  instead. 

Out of the Blue.

So I got a text from my 74 (she says taking a punt at the age) year old uncle late yesterday afternoon. He and my aunt were in town and was I around?

'Oh yes!' I exclaimed,' Come around after work for a drink'.

Which they duly did and, armed with glasses of pinot noir and a bowl of olives, we nestle down.

About twenty minutes in I say, 'Anyway, aren't you two supposed to be going away somewhere this year?'   (They a couple of good travellers, those two).

'Yes, Russia. Tonight.'

I nearly choked on my olive stone.

'Katie', said my aunt, 'I do think that's the first time I've ever seen you speechless'.

I have to say, if there's ever a sentence that's going to stop you in your tracks, that's a reasonably good one  to do the job.

Tastes Sensations You Potentially Don't Need to Experience.

On Sunday, with friends for dinner, we decided to finish the Malaysian take out with feijoa, apple and blueberry crumble with a little bit of ice cream to boot.

Things are going well so far.
                                    
And things continued to go swimmingly well until such time that I had a spoonful of that feijoa, apple and blueberry crumble with a touch of ice cream.

I was looking forward to the taste explosion in my mouth...and then it hit...and I got....curry and ice cream.

Curry and ice cream?

Do not ask me how that curry managed to crawl onto my spoon and gatecrash my ice cream and crumble party in my mouth, but somehow it got passed the bouncers and I have to tell you - it was an unwelcome visitor.

Do not, I repeat, do not try this at home.

You're welcome.

There's Nowt so Queer as Folk

Some poor sod Googled 'guinea pig brains' and ended up here.

Now, I'm not sure if I'm referring to them as a 'poor sod' because they ended up here (that's time they're not going to get back) or it's because they actually Googled 'guinea pig brains'.

Perhaps I won't ponder why - I'm scared the answer is may give me nightmares.

This blog was brought you courtesy of Awkward Family Photos.

Just when you thought I'd headed underground, I thought I'd remind you that I am, in fact, alive and kicking with some Awkward Family Photos. The outstanding site that just keeps on giving. 

First up, the woman who could hide weapons in  her hair (along with the cat, some garden tools, the budgie and its cage). I'd love to know how much hair spray went into creating that sensation. I would just be hoping she didn't go near any naked flames.  

Next up, a contender for AFP's Awkward Engagement Photo Contest. Don't know about you, but I'm feeling uneasy.

 And lastly, the winners of said photo contest.

Can't for the life of me think why they won. 

*Feels very uneasy and as if she stumbled upon something she shouldn't have*