Monday, November 30, 2009
Which I am neither.
It's even worse when, at 5.00 a.m, the job gets postponed and you get to look forward to doing it all over again tomorrow.
Friday, November 27, 2009
The post that gets written when you're doing your damnedest to not start the project you've been putting off all day.
His hair was a medley of grey, black and ginger - tortoiseshell, if you will. He was balding and it was very long. (Which, if we're being honest, is never a good combination, there should be legislation against it).
He was wearing little heels, women's trousers and a navy (man) jersey and he had a fetching little black handbag with a silver chain over-the-shoulder strap.
It was quite sensational, I did a really bad job at trying not to stare. I wanted to follow him and find out his story. But I didn't.
And he didn't look anything at all like this man.
But I just wanted to find a reason to crowbar the nice man's picture into this post.
(And call me a Fashion Ignoramus, but the skirt isn't quite working for me, what do you think ?)
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Call me old fashioned, but wouldn't you get a really cold arse?
I think the technical term for that jacket (and you have to say it with an Australian accent cause an Australian told me and it sounds better in Australian), is a bum freezer.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Now, pulling out my crystal ball, I'm thinking that that baby has a future involving spray tan, gyms and protein drinks ahead of him/her.
And I'm really hoping that I'm wrong.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
They have been back for some time but this was the first time I'd seen them.
'Have you heard how I got my job?' Asked the female-half of the couple.
I hadn't. And now I have, well, it's just too good not to share.
She was returning for a flying visit in order to get some work and had jacked up two days' worth of back-to-back meetings. She was about a third of they way through them, when she had an interview at a workplace she really liked. Thought it was great and really wanted to work there.
The guy who was interviewing her asked her who she was seeing next, and she told him.
She's sitting in her next meeting when the woman who was interviewing her mobile phone rings, she answers it, then promptly hands the phone to my friend saying, 'It's for you.'
It was the guy from her previous meeting asking if she would consider coming back for a second meeting after she'd finished with her current one!
I've heard of creative ways of getting a job, but it's the first time I've heard of creative ways of securing an employee.
You got to applaud it, don't you?
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Right in front of the oncoming traffic.
I watched and waited for its imminent death.
One car. Straight over the top.
Second car. Surely it's going to be taken out now.
Straight over the top again!
This is almost funny. Here comes the third car, surely my phone shall be exploded this time.
Straight. Over. The. Top.
I got the trifecta!
Phone is now drugged and grounded. Me? I'm off to buy to buy a lotto ticket.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
They can go up to twenty kilometres an hour, the battery lasts for about ten kilometres and they weigh about ten kg and when they're all rolled up they just look like a big handbag.
I have to say, if you see four of them coming towards you at one time, you do feel like you're trapped in some type of futuristic film. I told the guys this and they said they were working on getting lasers to shoot out of the handle bars.
P.S I started writing this post last night and then saw this morning that the bike has made Time Magazine's Top 50 inventions for 2009, coming in at number fifteen.
Bloody good old Kiwi ingenuity, eh?
Friday, November 13, 2009
'New Zealand Prime Minister John Key has met with a top member of the United States cabinet ahead of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit in Singapore at the weekend.'
And then I heard this:
'Mr Key met with Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner for an hour upon arrival in Singapore on Thursday night, saying a wide range of topics was discussed, from climate change to the US economic recovery.'
So they say they discussed a wide range of topics - from climate change to the US economic recovery. So exactly in what depths were these topics discussed?
Timothy Geithner: 'Jarrrrrhnnnn!'
John Key: 'Tum!'
Shake hands enthusiastically.
Timother Geithner: 'Buddy!'
John Key: 'Maaaaate!'
Timothy Geithner: 'How's the weather been down in Nuuu Zeeeland, Jarhnboy?'
John Key: 'Shut. How's your economy, Tum?'
Timothy Geithner: 'Fucked.'
John Key: 'Guudo. Now, where's the buffet?'
Thursday, November 12, 2009
My poor nephew, Master Sunshine, was suffering from a particularly nasty bout of it last weekend, it lashed out in full force. (There he is, the guy with no ground beneath his feet.)
Luckily this nasty dose of the jumping gene coincided with his Regional Skateboarding Championships, and he managed to turn the evil jumping gene's power to good - and he won.
*Aunt Laughy Hen gently bustles her feathers and quietly clucks proudly.*
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
So this morning I was cancelling my free calling 0800psychic line when the front page carried no such photo. Nada. Not an iota.
But page three did have a shot of two men fighting and a woman falling over with her high heels in her hand. Funnily enough, I can't seem to find these shots online. But page five's shot was there. Thank you guys, I knew you were out there, somewhere.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Hmmm, lets try that sentence again.
It's New Zealand Trotting Cup Day.
And call me 0800psychic, but I'm picking the front of tomorrow's paper will sport a shot of some twenty somethings who lost the plot around four, but won't realise how banjaxed they were until they see a snap of themselves tumbling from the front page.
Roll on five o'clock.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
But hey, maybe that's just me and it's just lucky I'm not a cop (cause on top of everything else, I would be a really bad one).
Friday, November 06, 2009
Things I could really do without.
I am sure I wouldn't find them as offensive if I had grown up with them, but mall culture is only about ten years old down here and no matter how hard I try, they just give me the shits.
What would you happily do without in the 21st century?
Thursday, November 05, 2009
named 'Phona' because we spent so much time on the telephone
talking to each other. God only knows what we talked about,
I'm imagining highbrow things like, 'I'm lying on the bed
and I can see a fly walking across the ceiling.'
I used to like going and staying the night at Phona's, we
would organise midnight feasts - and her mother would
actually go and buy us sweets for such occasions. Midnight
feasts in our household involved sneaking out of bed, arming
ourselves with two spoons and slowly working our way through
a three litre container of ice cream while sitting on the
deep freeze, hoping that we wouldn't be busted by my eagle
eared parents. And Phona was a really fussy eater, apart
from sweets, she would only eat potatoes and peas. There was
none of the 'If you don't eat your dinner you will get it
for breakfast' carry-on in her house.
Anyway, as lives do, ours then meandered off in opposite
directions. We went to different secondary schools, she went and
learnt how to be a hairdresser and set up her own business in
Palmerston North. I, meanwhile, embarked on a career of doing
no work at university until it eventually dawned on me that
in order to get a degree you actually have to attend lectures.
I would have last seen her at my grandfather's funeral
which was in 2000. But my Fruitcake mother has just
received a long, newsy email from her.
Pop quiz, where do you think Phona's life has taken her?
A) Married with children with a thriving hair salon in
B) Just got out of jail having finished a sentence for fraud?
C)Living in Washington with her husband who has an
Important Job that includes regular meetings with Obama?
D) Having retrained as a teacher is now living in Cambodia
working for Volunteer Services Abroad?
The correct answer would be, C.
My old childhood friend's husband gets more facetime with the
most powerful man in the world than our Prime Minister.
Sometimes life is so grand that I just want to pick it up
and give it a great big hug.