Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Timmy tipped me over the edge.

Regular readers will know that I am forever stealing material from Awkward Family Photobecause life really does seem so glorious over there.

In light of this, Brother-in-law headed me over to this post featuring vintage ventriloquist dummies.

Oh yeah.

So without further ado, here we go! First up, vintage potato head puppet.
As for the polka dot sisters who appear to be channelling Zoro...
About now, I start to become at a loss for words.
Sorry, still nothing...

*Wonders when the nightmares will start*
*Books herself in for therapy*
Why is it that Timmy seems older than both of them?

And why is it that I fear Timmy is going to terrorize my dreams in the near future?

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Is Apple trying to prove that you're never to young to own a phone ?

A friend came over the other day with her three-year-old.

My phone was sitting on the table and the three-year-old comes up and asks, 'Kate, could I play with your Iphone?'

'How on earth do you know what an Iphone is ?!' Shrieks her mother.

'I don't know how she knows this!' She continues as her daughter picks up my phone, unlocks it, and then proceeds to make all the icons jiggle in an attempt to find if I have any games.

So, she can play with an Iphone, just not very well - yet.

'Wow,' says her mother, 'just shows you how intuitive they are'.

So I did a little research (well I don't know if a Google search technically falls under the definition of 'research', but what the hey) and discovered that the Iphone is user friendly to all ages.

I think that You Tube video takes the term 'Digital Native' to a whole new level.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Go the Ov-lov

I was talking to a vehicle inspector on Monday. He's the guy who inspects vehicles that have been involved fatal accidents. And quite often the nearly-fatal ones.

So I had found the perfect person to give me advice on what to buy and what not to buy. He wasn't going anywhere until I had got the information I was wanting out of him.

'So what type of car do you recommend?'

'You can buy any type of car, just make sure it's got airbags, ABS and traction control'.

Traction what ?

'What's the safest type of car?'

'While there are other cars that are pretty equal to it now, the Volvo is the safest - but not the four wheel drive one, the sedan or station wagon version.'

'And what would you not buy?'

'Honda Civics, keep away from them.'


'They crumple.'

'My sister's got one, but it's a late model one, surely that's okay?'

He looks at me like he's telling me to put down the old family dog and says gently, 'Tell her to move on from it.'

'Or', I suggest brightly, 'I could just tell her not to crash?'

Monday, June 20, 2011

A Great Text.

'See you at 5 at ours for wine and crayfish.'

Yup, don't have any problem with that text, at all.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

My brother is weird.

I have talked before about my brother Sunshine and how he is apt to be a bit of freak of nature and has a rather high threshold to pain.

I have posted these pictures before which, if you haven't spent much time around here, will put you into the picture as to the type of person he is.
This one above was taken at Temple Basin last century. The one below was taken in Puerto Rico last year.
Basically he's spent all his life trying to fly.

In light of all this I really shouldn't have been surprised to have received the following text last weekend.

He'd been competing in a race that involved a 30 kilometre bike, a 15 k run (which he reckoned would be two-three hours), an 18 k bike and a ten k kayak.

The conversation unfolded like this:

Me:'??? and ???'

Him: 'I fell over early in the run passing a guy going downhill and dislocated my shoulder (not my bung one - so I am evening things up!) Luckily a doctor was competing so he put it back in for me (ouch!) and I could carry on. Still came 3rd in the veteran men's but I was a bit pissed off because I was leading category by a long way before I crashed. But a good day and I will be back next year.'

Now, I just want to take a moment to consider his text.

He fell at the beginning of the 15 kilometre run and popped his shoulder. Now I haven't ever dislocated my shoulder but a quick Google search reveals, 'IT HURTS LIKE FUCK', 'You will be in a lot of pain. ... It will be loud','The pain from the dislocation is so horrible. When I dislocated my shoulder, I was wishing that my arm would just fall off.'

So bearing this in mind, Sunshine pops his shoulder, gets it popped back in, finishes the run, bikes 18 k and then - the killer - kayaks for ten kilometres.


He's dislocated his shoulder and he kayaks?

There were no lives at risk, no last-planes to catch or no world-coming-to-an-end and he needed to get to his family.

The lengths that man goes to, to think he deserves a beer are just becoming ridiculous.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

It could be just a coincidence....

Is it just me, or is there anyone else out there who thinks that Joanna Lumley is potentially a (*plastic surgery*cough) spiritual twin to Joan Rivers?

Exhibit A.
Exhibit B.
And the Joan Rivers comparison exhibits.
Call me crazy, but it just seems that they seem to be aging in the same way in the eyes...

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Oh, how times have changed..

Look what I discovered when I was having a wee poke around the interweb.

Santa was a smoker! (You should remember that when you're leaving the carrots, apple and glass of beer out for him this Christmas).

And if that wasn't a big enough endorsement, then there's always the one from your GP (just as long as they're Camels).
Also, if you want your children to have a 'better start' during their 'awkward pre-teen years', then get them started on cola!
Bring back the good old days.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Conversation Overheard in Office.

'What swearing are we allowed at 7.30?'

'Bloodys and shits.'

'Cocks and bitches?'

'Yup. Fucks 8.30, cunts possibly 9.30 - best check.'

A conversation that is testament to the fact that I don't work in a bank.

Monday, June 06, 2011


I read this great quote in the Christchurch Press on Saturday which I think is genius:

'A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.'

Apparently it's out to the mouth of a fellow whose name is Sir Barry Cocks.

I don't think I'll Google him.

Friday, June 03, 2011

I reckon if I was an elephant I'd like to be called Queenie.

I got an email from a friend this morning, telling me that it was a very sad day as the world's only water skiing elephant had died.
He was of the opinion that the world needed more water skiing elephants.

It's looks like good fun (water skiing - if you're an elephant), but I'm wondering whether Queenie ever got over it and thought, 'Listen guys, I'm not a performing-freaking-seal'.

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Don't mess with Pop...

Okay so I just couldn't resist this from Awkward Family Photo.I can't pick whether the groom should be more scared of the father-in-law with the gun, or the bridesmaids' dresses.