Monday, March 26, 2012


This made me laugh. 
Can't you just see how proud that dog is of himself ?

Friday, March 23, 2012


So the French gunman who had carried out a spate of killings in Toulouse has been shot and killed by police.

This news filtered into my brain via Nat Rad as I was slowly becoming conscious this morning. From I what understood he was killed as he was jumping out of his first floor window whilst shooting at police.

The thought that struck me at the time was, ‘I think someone’s been watching one too many Bruce Willis films’. 

Thursday, March 15, 2012

The Milky Bars are on Me.

Yesterday I checked out my spam folder on my gmail account to see what randoms were falling in there.

Well,  I'm delighted to tell you that Lady Luck has been shining down on lucky old me.  In the last  seven days check out what I've won: (pause as she stretches for the glass of French champagne).

There's US seven point six million from the lovely Mrs Elisabeth Wilson from Israel (she's currently a little under the weather).

Three million pounds from the Arthur Guiness Fund (I didn't know he cared).

Twelve and a half million (US)  from Mrs Maimouna Khalid in Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire - sadly she's also under the weather.

Five point six million from Mrs Mariama Ba. The poor lady lost both her children in an air crash in Eygpt in 1999 (I have the link to the news story if you want). She now lives in Malaysia, she's married to a Chinese man and she doesn't like him very much and she wants to leave all her money to me. (The lamb).

And we can't forget generous old Mark Zuckerberg - cause I've won the Facebook sweepstake! He's given me U.S one million.

I was lucky enough to see the email from Mrs Elizabeth Rose Jones - she lives in Florida - but has decided she might now shift since she's rich. She received $1,500,000 from the Compensation in Nigeria payout. She saw my name on their email list and says that they're absolute crooks and to not deal with them but to go through her Barrister Peter Andrew in her order to get my compensation. She says all those other people who are contacting me through email are fake. CAN YOU BELIVE IT?(Great advice, Mrs Jones).

And then there was the email last Thursday from Bill Thomson of Coleman and Jakes Solicitors in London. He has a just-currently dead client who doesn't have any beneficiaries - and Billy-boy is  terribly concerned that his nine million dollars will go to the bank unless he can find a bank account to put all those funds in. And he wants to put them in mine. Shucks. I'm happy to love the dead guy's money.

Anyhou, if I do a bit of currency conversion - in the last week I've won $49,873,476.96.

Pause while she lights up a cigar.

I would keep checking my spam folder, but there's only so much good luck a girl can enjoy. (Besides, I can't count higher than 50 million).

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


Someone from KwaZulu-Natal in South Africa (no, me neither) Googled, 'wedding pictures for dwarf woman' and ended up here.

How disappointing for them.

And thoroughly entertaining for me.

Saturday, March 10, 2012


If a blink is what you do with both of your eyes, shouldn't a wink be a sink?

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Just Another Day at the Office.

Last week I got a text from one of my team  at 10.38 pm that put a rather large smile on my dial.

'Just filming a car in a swimming pool!'

I would like to add that no one harmed before the writing of that text.

Unless you count a few camellias.

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

New Faces.

In the weekend some new tenants moved into my house in Christchurch. They have lived in New Zealand for eleven years and they have a three year old daughter who they took back to China after the February earthquake because their house was demolished. Now they have a new place and the earthquakes have settled down, they're going to go back and collect her next month.

You can only begin to imagine how hard their year away from her must have been.

'What part of China do you come from ?' I asked.

'China is shaped like a chicken. We come from the head of the chicken'.

I like my new tenants.

Friday, March 02, 2012

Wizards and Magic Stuff

I attempted, in my last post, to rave about the Shazam App that my brother has introduced into my world. However I got trapped in a waltz down memory lane with Great Uncle Jeffery and never quite got around to it.

In a nutshell this is the App that pushed me over the How-do-they-invent-this-shit? edge. The Please-Make-It-Stop edge. The If-you-carry-on-like-this-I-shall-never-leave-the-house edge.

I'm imagining I'm potentially already preaching to the converted but there must be at least one of you who won't have heard of it, yet. (My mother reads this blog).

What you do is, when you hear a song that you don't know the name of, you click on your Shazam App, put your phone close to the music source for a bit. Your phone has a listen, thinks for a bit and then comes up with the name of the song (in my case, Train -Drive By).

Oh yeah.

THEN, all you need to do is push the download link and the nice people at Apple, for a small fee, will give you the song. And then you get to listen to it until you're thoroughly sick of it.

It's magic, I'm telling you and it's messing with my head.

But then, I suppose I shouldn't wind myself up about it too much, I bet nobody really understood electricity, back in the 1700s.