Monday, February 28, 2011

Friday, February 25, 2011


I got a text from a friend of mine at midnight, just as she and her team were being evacuated from their home in Redcliffs.

'This is a living hell'.

Please help.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

UPDATED:They say that...

....lightening doesn't strike twice.

Earthquakes obviously don't worship at the altar of that school of thought.

One still unaccounted for.

UPDATE: But not any longer! Managed to hear he's okay. (But not for long, because now I'm going to kill him).

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I can't even think of a name for this post.

12:57 pm. Motheroffourboysundereight rings me. 'We've just had a massive earthquake, can you let me know what's going on?'

'Where are you?'

'Sitting in car outside home with #3 and #4. I can't get hold of Insertnameofhusband.'

'Are you okay?'

'Yes.' (She's lying).

'I'll call you back.'

Nothing comes up on the internet. Then it does. I try and ring her back. I can't get through.

1:06 Motherof rings back. 'Anything?'

'It's 6.3, but only five kilometres deep. Where are you?'

'Still in the car. I...I...don't know what to do.'

'Go to school and pick up #1 and#2.'


Monday, February 21, 2011

True Grit is just that.

I went and saw True Grit in the weekend. I really enjoyed it, it's a rollicking old watch with a few surprises that made me leap from my seat. 14 year old Hailee Steinfield is amazing.

It's a remake and I really liked what John Wayne said when he won the 1969 Oscar for best actor, 'If I'd known that, I would have put that eye patch on thirty-five years earlier'.

But one thing did strike me as odd in this version, I didn't realise that they had teeth whitening back in the wild west. Well, Matt Damon had found some witch doctor who carried it out and then obviously shot him, because everybody else could have done with a visit to a dentist.

Friday, February 18, 2011

The End of Summer is Nigh...

...and I'm not at all happy about it.

If I had my way we would roast gloriously in summer all year around. While I have nothing really to grumble about just yet as we're still playing around in the beautiful mid-to-late twenties, I have noticed a slight edge is creeping in to the mornings. This morning I noticed it was 15 degrees instead of 18 as I came to work. I realise I am being a bit of drama queen about it, but it's just the fact that I know that summer shall soon back her bags and go visit some place else.

However. All is not lost. I have a solution.

I shall start getting up later.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Community service message for the week: always put the lid on the paint.

A friend of mine sent me these photos. I think they are just gold.

So the people in the blue car had a 25-litre bucket of paint on the back seat....that obviously went on its own voyage of self discovery.....

You could be forgiven for thinking that a carload of mimes have been in an accident.

Apparently the ambulance driver wouldn't let the female paramedic out of the ambulance because she couldn't stop laughing.

He said it was unprofessional.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Things for which to be grateful.

If you thought you had a bad weekend, spare a thought for my dentist.

I ran into her yesterday when I was getting a coffee and, at first, I didn't recognise her as she cheerily greeted me.

A few beats later it dawned on me who the nice woman was.

'Oh hi! Sorry, I'm a moron, it's just you're not wearing blue and you don't have weapons of mass destruction in your hand. I just thought someone in the office had planted a "Say-hello-to-Kate" note on my back.'

As I know she works 8 - 3, I asked her if she was playing hooky, which was when she told me that she'd had a bit of a rough weekend.

'It's was a bit of a 'mare.I had real stomach pains, so went to hospital and they thought it was an appendicitis. So they sent me off to theatre, opened me up, discovered my appendix were fine, so closed me back up again.'

And then she chased it up with, 'And the doctor looked like he was about twelve, so I was pretty happy when I woke up!' She then proceeded to get the giggles so badly that she looked like she'd blown a stitch. (I sympathised, it's so hard to un-get the giggles once you've got them).

So, if you're feeling like you've had a rough time, console yourself in the fact that - at least -'unnecessary surgery' isn't up there on the list with 'can't pay the power bill' or 'job doing my head in'.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Love is....

....a pig in a t-shirt. Or not.

*Hears the banjo playing in the background*

Friday, February 11, 2011

From Planet State the Obvious

Dear Mr Murabak

Just what does it take for you to get the hint?


Everyone Else on the Planet.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


I don't know why it is......but I just find the moon enchanting.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011


I love pandas.

Especially when they sneeze.

And it's even better when they surprise sneeze.
Is it just me, or does mother panada (and am I being presumptuous in assuming it's mother, could always be stay-at-home dad) appear like she's really stoned?

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

How to take the pain out of an early wake up.

On Friday I had my sister, the eight and six year old to stay while brother-in-law stayed at home. On this visit the six year old bunked down with me while her sister was in with her mother.

I have to say, there is something quite delightful about waking up with two small arms clutching your neck as though you are the mast of the Titanic and having whispered in your ear. 'Kate, do you know I know how to spell thupercalafragalithisticexpialadoshus? ETH.U.P.E.R.C.A.L.A.F.R.A.G.L.I.ETH.T.I.C.E.X.P.I.A.L.A.D.O.ETH.H.U.ETH'.

It was quite a beautiful way to start the day.

Friday, February 04, 2011

The I'm-Ignoring-the-Research New Year's Resolution List

I know it's a bit late for new year's resolutions and all that but, as I was ironing today's dress for work (I wrote the bit about the ironing cause it impresses me to read it), I was thinking, imagine if someone turned the world upside down, and all the bad stuff became good and good stuff became bad?

Self improvement meant becoming unhealthier? Crime became a well respected career?

In light of this, here we go with a new year's resolution list with these new goals in mind.

1. Must start smoking.
2. Must be only be able to do ten push ups by year's end (five would be preferable).
3. Must start shop lifting.

And, in the giving-to-others resolution:

4. Get in touch with Charlie Sheen's agent and see if he's available for motivational tour to primary schools. Donate proceeds to Lindsay Lohan.

I'll stop there because I don't want to be over ambitious.....butI think I've just created a new year's resolution list that Homer Simpson would be proud of.

Anyone care to add?

*Throws iron in rubbish bin*

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

And welcome to the cut and paste post.

Yesterday at work I got an email, with some pearlers in it. They include:
Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.

Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a b*tch.

Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear J.K. Rowling,

Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginga kid with two friends?

Sincerely, Anonymous

Dear America,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely, Canada

Dear Voldemort ,

So they screwed up your nose too?

Sincerely, Michael Jackson

Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." Just saying...

Sincerely, Google

Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.

Sincerely, BP

Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!

Sincerely, 1985

Dear Rose,

There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.

Sincerely, Jack

Dear Windshield Wipers,

Can't touch this.

Sincerely, That Little Triangle

Dear Saturn,

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely, God

Dear Rubik's Cube,


Sincerely, Colorblind

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,

I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?

Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio

Dear Sleeping Beauty,

I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and totally save China for my man.

All you had to do was wake up.

Sincerely, Mula

Dear Toaster,

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?

Sincerely, Toast

Dear Prince Charming,

You've got some explaining to do!

Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty
Oh, they made me chuckle, I think my favourite is Canada's note.
But do you know how much self restraint it took to not claim those as my own ? My only problem is that I am such a rubbish liar, the moment I utter a lie I immediately have to fess up. It's possibly I good thing I don't have a career in crime.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

You know I had to go there...

People of Walmart.

I just couldn't resist. But just a couple as I'm dashing out the door.

Hmmm, don't know about you, but I'm thinking there's something missing here.
As for the next one, please tell me that isn't what I think it is and we're all looking at a flesh coloured money belt.
Now, I'm dashing out the door just to get away from those images.