Yesterday I checked out my spam folder on my gmail account to see what randoms were falling in there.
Well, I'm delighted to tell you that Lady Luck has been shining down on lucky old me. In the last seven days check out what I've won: (pause as she stretches for the glass of French champagne).
There's US seven point six million from the lovely Mrs Elisabeth Wilson from Israel (she's currently a little under the weather).
Three million pounds from the Arthur Guiness Fund (I didn't know he cared).
Twelve and a half million (US) from Mrs Maimouna Khalid in Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire - sadly she's also under the weather.
Five point six million from Mrs Mariama Ba. The poor lady lost both her children in an air crash in Eygpt in 1999 (I have the link to the news story if you want). She now lives in Malaysia, she's married to a Chinese man and she doesn't like him very much and she wants to leave all her money to me. (The lamb).
And we can't forget generous old Mark Zuckerberg - cause I've won the Facebook sweepstake! He's given me U.S one million.
I was lucky enough to see the email from Mrs Elizabeth Rose Jones - she lives in Florida - but has decided she might now shift since she's rich. She received $1,500,000 from the Compensation in Nigeria payout. She saw my name on their email list and says that they're absolute crooks and to not deal with them but to go through her Barrister Peter Andrew in her order to get my compensation. She says all those other people who are contacting me through email are fake. CAN YOU BELIVE IT?(Great advice, Mrs Jones).
And then there was the email last Thursday from Bill Thomson of Coleman and Jakes Solicitors in London. He has a just-currently dead client who doesn't have any beneficiaries - and Billy-boy is terribly concerned that his nine million dollars will go to the bank unless he can find a bank account to put all those funds in. And he wants to put them in mine. Shucks. I'm happy to love the dead guy's money.
Anyhou, if I do a bit of currency conversion - in the last week I've won $49,873,476.96.
Pause while she lights up a cigar.
I would keep checking my spam folder, but there's only so much good luck a girl can enjoy. (Besides, I can't count higher than 50 million).