Officially Last Holiday Conversation.

I have just been staying with my uncle and aunt on the holiday that you have after your holiday, otherwise known as your 'pudding holiday'.

One of my cousins and her team was also staying. She has two miniature people and is currently growing another one. We were talking about her children.

'They're very cool,' says I.

'The three year old has only just started talking, which we're reasonably delighted about,' says she, 'his brother was talking at two, but the smallest obviously decided speech wasn't necessary until he was three.'

'Really?'

'Yup, he could understand everything and make his desires known, but simply couldn't be bothered speaking them.'

'That's bizarre.'

'Not as bizarre as Nameofherfriend. Her daughter was four and she hadn't said a word. One day they were driving and saw a Mr Whippy.Her and her husband did subtle hand gestures to each other,communicating that they would drive in a way so their daughter wouldn't see the truck selling ice cream and then proceed to indicate to her parents that she wanted one.'

'Nice.'

'And it was then her parents heard their daughter speak her first two words.'

'Which were?'

'You miserable bastards.'

I don't know about you, but I think that kid is sensational.