Friday, November 28, 2008

MEMO


FROM: GOD
TO:EARTH
RE: EPIC FAIL
______________________________________________

Dear Earth,

For crying out loud, would you lot please stop fighting and just start to get along ?

Yes, I am looking at you India, but I am also looking at you Thailand, please don't think you can hide behind India. And don't think I don't know what the rest of you are up to - I'm God, remember?

Honestly, you lot drive me to distraction, I create you a lovely place to live in with a wonderful climate (admittedly the Ice Age was a little dull, but I'd been drinking) and what do you all do?

You immediately set about killing each other and systematically destroying the planet! And you've been doing it for centuries. I could have tolerated a couple of hundred years of bad behaviour, but this is ridiculous.

Have any of you lot heard of the word gratitude?

You're all behaving like a bunch of thoroughly spoilt little upstarts, and I've had enough of it.

If you lot do not get your shit together you will force me to instigate a solar system war, nothing like a little intergalactic warfare to make you work together as a team.

You have been warned.

Love,

God.
I am God, do not fuck with me.

P.S Do you like my tag line? Catchy, isn't it? J. Walter Thompson doesn't sit round doing nothing in heaven, you know.

7 comments:

tinman18 said...

The tag line is cool, though I think it may have been stolen from my boss.

laughykate said...

Is s/he omnipotent?

tinman18 said...

No, but he does think he's God.

Holemaster said...

That's weird. I have a draft post which is a letter from God to humanity.

laughykate said...

Really? Next, you'll get a visit from that fecking panda in your dreams.

Holemaster said...

Was his name Norbert?

laughykate said...

Oh noooooooooooo......