Thursday, March 25, 2010

How to appear a fool...

…by katejanelastname

  1. Go into café, purchase before-work coffee.
  2. Read paper, while Nicecoffeeman man makes coffee.
  3. Stranger comes up and says ‘Are you from Christchurch?’
  4. Look blankly.
  5. Neglect to say that you've recently moved.
  6. Nod, continue to stare blankly.
  7. Brain scans hard drive.
  8. Hard drive search results reveal, ‘No matches found to your query’.
  9. Stranger tells you he’s met you before, with Amanda.
  10. Think, ‘Who the fuck is Amanda?’
  11. Look blankly.
  12. Notice man sweating a little in the heat.
  13. Hard drive kicks into semi face recognition, reveals result, ‘You may recognise this person’.
  14. Face recognition complete. There is a match. Delivers result. ‘You know this man far too well to have not recognised him for this long, you complete moron.’
  15. Now feel a fool.
  16. Attempt to regain ground, but thoroughly fail by over compensating and talking far too much.
  17. Give up, embrace and accept the fact you are a fool.
  18. And a goat.
  19. The end.


Fat Sparrow said...

Oh, don't worry, I do that sort of thing all the time. With people I've known for years.

Then again, I've had a couple of strokes, hahahaha.

Then again, I did it before I had the strokes, too, now that I think about it...

Okay, pencil me in for the Fool List.

laughykate said...

Thank you Fat Sparrow, you make me feel a lot better!

Vdog said...

Happens to the best of us, Kate (obviously!)... Seeing a person you know, but out of context can be confusing.

Still, a lot better than thinking you know someone, going over to say hi enthusiastically, and then realising it's just someone you've never met but see often on the train. You know, so I've heard. *looks sheepishly at shoes*

Janie Jones said...

I have people all the time thinking I'm someone else. I never know these people because I'm basically anti-social and do my best not to know people. Sometimes they are just content to walk up to me and say, "Are you related to so and so?" To which I answer as politely as I can, which probably looks anything but, "No."
The marvelous part is that I took great pains to move as far away from anyone I know &/or could be related too, so now I just laugh to myself as people make idiots out of themselves trying to figure out who I look like.

Occasionally they come up with something really good. On three separate occasions and in three completely different locales I was told I looked just like Demi Moore.

By the way, I look nothing like Demi Moore unless she is short, dumpy, plump and wears short gray hair.

Now that I think about it, this comment has very little to do with your post, but I'm feeling less sane than usual today, and besides, maybe it will distract you from your awkwardness.

laughykate said...

Hey Vdog I am so hearing you. I mean, erm, your story. I enthusiastically walked up to an elderly woman in Invercargill last week and said, 'I know you!' And she said, 'No, you don't!' I am an idiot.

Thank you Demi, you're making me feel better!

unPC lesbian said...

Some times I yearn to be able to de frag brain and clear all the temporary stored files and there and make them all tidy and easily accessible again.

laughykate said...

I need a a software upgrade!

Rose said...

Unfortunately, this sounds exactly like the happenings of my daily life :( In fact, it was only the other day that I stared blankly at a complete stranger, held up the hat in my hand and said..... "My hat". It wasn't my fault that they hadn't seen my hat blow right off my head. I'm also quite well known for giving an unrequited handshake (Imagine a scene where you a grab an unsuspecting limp hand, don't let go and then fumble with it for about 10 long seconds) - It's by far the most unpleasant social experience I have gone through in my life.

Happy Easter.

laughykate said...

Hiya Rose! That is quite superb. Thank you for sharing.

Holemaster said...

I actually forgot my own name once while introducing myself.

She was very pretty though. Knocked me off kilter.

laughykate said...

Well done ! My best one of those I encountered was a star struck reporter who was interviewing Ben Harper went up and introduced himself, 'Gidday, I'm Ben Harper.'

Absolute gold. (If you were me and not him).