Sunday, August 01, 2010

A great long as you're not in the least bit involved.

I've been sitting on this story for some weeks now. You may have already heard it, as no doubt it's urban mythed its way around the world (and is now a feature film starring Danny DeVito and Michael Douglas).

I think it's funny as hell, but that's only because I'm not remotely involved in any way with any one associated with the tale - it's a two degrees of separation number for me.However it appears Karma has a sense of humour and it has come back to bite me on the arse, but more of that later.
The main guy, let's call him Officer Bob ( Michael Douglas) was at work and he got a call from his Down's syndrome brother, 'I've caught a troll ! I've caught a troll!' His younger brother excitedly told him.

Now Officer Bob didn't believe his brother, but during the course of the morning he got a few more of these calls. His brother is a big guy and he lives on his own. So when Officer Bob was out cruising the streets he thought he should just swing by just to check everything was okay.

He went in to his brother's house and he heard a banging sound.

His brother rushed to him excitedly and exclaimed, 'I've caught a troll! I've been feeding it chocolate biscuits !Look!'

Officer Bob followed the banging sound to a wardrobe. He opened the door.....and inside was.....a dwarf.

I would imagine - by this stage - a somewhat angry dwarf (Danny DeVito). I'm sorry, but chocolate biscuits or no chocolate biscuits, a wardrobe's no place to be - especially when you've been put there against your will.

But I love this story, I think it's the naive delighted innocence of the Down's guy.

Yeah I know, not so much fun for the dwarf.

And I'd really like to say that's where the story ends.

But, oh no, there's more.

Anyway, I've told this story to two groups of friends and both, totally independently of each other, have pointed to me at the end of the story and squealed with delight, 'Troll!' Then fell about in peals of laughter.

And then taken off on a tsunami of troll jokes, all featuring me. 'Do trolls have opposable thumbs?' Yup, my friends are a riot.

My cousin's husband immediately reached for his phone and renamed me 'Troll' - having said that, I was already in there under Swampbeast. The love.

And then I got a text from my cousin last week:

'Father to daughter. Who put that toothpaste on the blind?'

Minikate (7): 'Trollkate, or Princesstrollkate. What do we call her?'

Sigh. Two words, fully and screwed.


Fat Sparrow said...

It could be worse. You could be a troll and have Flintstone feet (says the troll with Flintstone feet).

I was talking to a distant cousin (once removed? twice removed? I'm too far removed from my Anthro kinship lecture to remember) on the phone, and he was taking the piss out of someone because they were "only" 5'5". I waited 'til he was done, and then said "Well, that's not so short, both myself and my husband are under 5'2". Said cousin had never met me in person. You know how they have that site for awkward family photos? They should have one for awkward family phone calls, ha.

laughykate said...

Awkard Family Phone Calls.


Stephen Stratford said...

Isn't there an interweb abbreviation ROTFL for rolling on the floor laughing?

I propose TOTFL, trolling on the floor laughing. For short-person use only, obviously.

laughykate said...

Bugger, this troll thing isn't going to go away anytime soon, is it Stephen?

Jo said...

OH NO!!!!!



Right, I heard this story thusly:

Friend od friend does some magic mushrooms (they grow freely on the Wicklow hills) and goes off to Killiney head, a public hill type parky place, to enjoy the trip.

NExt morning he's home, wandering round the house, still under the influence. Friends ask him if he had a nice trip, and he says, 'Yes. I caught a troll.'
The friends all laugh and ask him questions, finding this v amusing.

'Oh, you can see,' the guy replies, 'I have him in the wardrobe'

And the friends get a bit worried, go check the wardrobe, and in there is - a boy with Down's Syndrome. He's happy as Larry with the game, but they drop him back to the police station and scarper.

I'm gutted this isn't real now. And there's no way the dwarf one is, dwarves are feisty, they'd never stand for that :)

Little People, I should say. Not dwarves. Though if I was one, I think I'd be a dwarf with pride. Or possibly a Nelwyn.

laughykate said...

I've heard that story as well, Jo. I was busy telling my version at work and another guy told that one. But my friends vow and declare that their version is true, that it happened only recently.

Regardless, one thing is for sure, I'm never going to kick the 'troll' label anytime soon.

Jo said...

Ach, embrace it. It's the new in thing :)