People of Walmart

I recently got an email featuring some more gloriousness from People of Walmart.

First up, here's one which I have titled 'Eat my Space dirt Disco Queen.'
I don't think this next one needs a name. I think this woman should be commended for not letting her foils getting in the way of a feed.
And finally there is this one that I've called 'Bottom'.
Or it could be called, 'When T-shirts Go Bad'.

Or, 'How to Feel Vomity.'

The thing I like best about the email I received? It was from one of my uncles.

He is 82.

Donald Trump is starting to feel nervous.

This is a rock my six year old niece gave me at Christmas. It was part of her collection that she had painted and I have to admit to having another heart-exploding-with-joy moment when she chose this one for me.

'Wow, that's beautiful, Six Year Old!'

She beamed.

'What are you going to do with the rest?'

'I'm going to thell them.'

'That's my girl', I think, 'showing a killer business instinct at six. Loving it.'

'I'm going to thell them - for free!'

Crap. I am vaguely suspicious that my genes could be somewhat responsible for that.

QUACK!QUACK!QUACK!

I use my phone as a safety alarm to wake me up on the mornings I really need to get up at a certain time.

It's a duck, so I wake up to quacking.

Yesterday morning I wanted to wring the duck's throat.

I feel the duck's life is in serious danger.

How to appear a fool...

…by katejanelastname

1. Go into café, purchase before-work coffee.
2. Read paper, while Nicecoffeeman man makes coffee.
3. Stranger comes up and says ‘Are you from Christchurch?’
4. Look blankly.
5. Neglect to say that you've recently moved.
6. Nod, continue to stare blankly.
7. Brain scans hard drive.
8. Hard drive search results reveal, ‘No matches found to your query’.
9. Stranger tells you he’s met you before, with Amanda.
10. Think, ‘Who the fuck is Amanda?’
11. Look blankly.
12. Notice man sweating a little in the heat.
13. Hard drive kicks into semi face recognition, reveals result, ‘You may recognise this person’.
14. Face recognition complete. There is a match. Delivers result. ‘You know this man far too well to have not recognised him for this long, you complete moron.’
15. Now feel a fool.
16. Attempt to regain ground, but thoroughly fail by over compensating and talking far too much.
17. Give up, embrace and accept the fact you are a fool.
18. And a goat.
19. The end.

Some smells do linger, Jean.

On Monday night my brother and my father were both, coincidentally, in town and they stayed at mine. We had salmon for dinner.

They left on Tuesday morning.

Unfortunately the same cannot be said for the salmon.

Just when I thought my life was a little busy...

...I talked to my friend the-mother-of-four-boys-aged-seven-to-two.

In the weekend she and her husband had a sleep over for the seven year old.

All fifteen members of his rugby team.

Compared to her, my life is a sweet relaxing walk in the park.

From the sublime to the ridiculous.

Last week I: worked four twelve and one fourteen hour day, got told by a psychic that a ghost was stroking my hair saying that she looked like my sister, met someone called A Free Spirit, was involved in a fire alarm, observed four adults cry about a death that occurred in the late 1800s , saw a very expensive piece of equipment be taken out by an adult on a flying fox and spent the week in Invercargill.

Bit puffed now.

You get the hard hitting questions here.

So Princess Anne has made a surprise trip to the the country.

Here she is in a photo taken when she wasn't in New Zealand, but you get the picture.

But it did make me wonder something.

Does she and Donald Trump share the same hairdresser?

What think you ?

Photo essay, or is it a photo sentence?

How To Make Legs Unsexy.

By Socks.

(With a supporting role from Clueless Toenails).

(In my defence Your Honour, before the Fashion Police throw the book at me, the legs had just spent an extended time in Boots).

Flowers in the Attic called, they want their family back.

I'm not terribly sure where to start with this pearler from Awkward Family Photo.

The colour scheme ? (Cause if you look closely, you'll notice even the drinks are brown). Or the vaguely creepy voyeuristic mother?

I've just had a thought, please tell me that the couple in the chair are not related.

Oh hell, I've just made myself feel really uncomfortable and just a little bit vomity.

The Oscars

Ohh, have to admit, love getting me a good fix of Oscar frocks. Nothing like a glamour fix. I completely missed what went on this year as have been chained to a desk as I sold my time real estate to a high bidder. Hence, have only now been looking at frocks.

Nothing this year (from what I've seen) has struck me as Knock-Me-Down-Stunning. But there was one thing that I was stunned by.

Sarah Jessica Parker's face.

Is it just me, or does it appear to be harbouring rather alot of poison, these days ?

Your world can change in a heartbeat.

One of my oldest friends just received some devastatating news about a close friend of hers. Too early, too young.

Go hug the people you love.

Perceptions

My sister and her seven and five year old have been staying with me this weekend

Sitting around the table eating hot cross buns (yes, I know it's early, but the hot cross buns seduced us into buying them) and I was asking my nieces whether they should be called hot cross buns when they were cold. And of course the conversation went on to discussing the merit of calling them cold angry buns, and should we assume that they were angry when they were cold, or not.

And then the five year old pointed at herself and said, 'Child,' pointed at me and said, 'adult', her sister, 'child' and then her mother, 'real adult'.

I said, 'What? Am I not a real adult?'

'No, you're a PWRINCETH!'

Let me count the ways I love my nieces.

I may be late to this party.......

....but oh my stars. I only saw it today.

Could someone please fall in love with him ? (Bags not me.I wouldn't want to deprive someone of this special, special man.)



I am particularly loving the star wipes. The negative effect is quite special, too.

P.S If you make it to the end of the clip, you have a longer attention span than me.

UPDATED: Regardless of whether you make it to the end of the clip or not, it does have the tendancy to stick in your head like glue. So, um, sorry for that.

In light of recent events.

Haiti, Chile....is it just me or is it like the Earth has just become allergic to something and this is the beginning of a massive sneezing fit ?

I'm really hoping this is one of the more delusional theories I've come up with.

You things are a little busy when...

...you get to work and see on the digital read out on your phone the words, '14 new messages'.