Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Do as I say!

At the risk of repeating myself, in January I crashed my brother Sunshine's family holiday in China. Below is the river we boated up, however we bailed at the turning around bit, and walked back.
Why did you abandon the boat? You ask, it was a perfectly good boat, wasn't it? Well, the Sunshines are just made like that, a couple of weeks ago I got a text from my brother that read, 'Just ran 28k over the Coromandel range and then paddled 14km to Whitianga. Now drinking a deliiiiiiiiiiiiiicious Heineken.'

I text back, 'Didn't you have one in the fridge?'

Anyway, at the end of our walk back we were sitting, enjoying a beer looking at this bridge when a little old lady, who must have been about 345 in the shade, came over to sell us something. This generally happened a lot, but if you weren't interested you said so and generally they would bugger off.

Except this 678 year old.

She came up to us and said (which I imagine a loose translation would have been), 'Hey honkies you want to buy some oranges?'

'No thank you,' says Sunshine.

'Hey honky lady you want to buy some oranges?'

'No thank you,' says Mrs Sunshine.

'Hey honky other lady you want to buy some oranges?'

'No thank you,' says I.

'Hey honky boy you want to buy some oranges?'

'No thank you,' says Master Sunshine.

'Hey cute honky girl, you want to buy some oranges?'

'No thank you, 'says Little Miss Sunshine.

Did she get the message?

Nuh uh.

She went in for round two - again, loosely translating -'Hey honky man, good orange, buy them.' And that was followed up by a gentle nudge on the arm.

'No thank you,' says Sunshine

Then, 'Hey honky lady, good orange, buy them.'

'No thank you,' says Mrs Sunshine.

Okay, you get the picture. This continued for a while longer until Sunshine looked up at her, with a huge smile on his dial and said, 'What part of FUCK OFF do you not understand?'

Cue torrential giggles.

From everyone.

Even the 789 year old orange seller. She didn't have a clue what had been said, but she joined in on the fun.

Sunshine turned to his children, jabbed the air with a finger, and said strongly, 'Do as I say, do not do as I do.'

Which I imagine is what Sarah Palin is thinking right now, or maybe it's more, 'Do as I say, do not do as my daughter does.'

Poor kid, bet really she's wishing that her mother had decided to opt for a career in real estate.

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