Simply Genius

A friend of mine in Australia sent me this. She gives me so much content for this blog I shall just start referring to her as the Australian Office. (But I'm sorry, if you insist on spending your time in swimming pools with sting rays the size of mattresses or pulling the bird at the Prime Minister AND getting paid for it - ya really think I'm not going to blog about it ?)

She did ponder in an email recently why she felt compelled to send me all the odd stuff she stumbles across on the interweb. No, I have no idea either.

Anyway, this isn't of the bottled mice variety, this is just plain funny.

Watch it.

And since it's a new year, it's about time we heard from Awkward Family Photo Dot Com

Looking at this photo I'd just like to say that Mickey Mouse has alot to answer for.

Just saying.

It's not that I've forgotten I've got a blog....

...it's just that I've been tsunamied (my new verb for 2010) by a titanic amount of work and as soon as I pop out into the flotsam and jetsam I'll have something to tell you.


It's all rather disconcerting as I generally exist in a state of happy disorganisation, and this is really cramping my style.


So instead I'll show you my bike.

I love my bike. It's now got a cane basket in the front.

And it does sleep inside.

Officially Last Holiday Conversation.

I have just been staying with my uncle and aunt on the holiday that you have after your holiday, otherwise known as your 'pudding holiday'.

One of my cousins and her team was also staying. She has two miniature people and is currently growing another one. We were talking about her children.

'They're very cool,' says I.

'The three year old has only just started talking, which we're reasonably delighted about,' says she, 'his brother was talking at two, but the smallest obviously decided speech wasn't necessary until he was three.'

'Really?'

'Yup, he could understand everything and make his desires known, but simply couldn't be bothered speaking them.'

'That's bizarre.'

'Not as bizarre as Nameofherfriend. Her daughter was four and she hadn't said a word. One day they were driving and saw a Mr Whippy.Her and her husband did subtle hand gestures to each other,communicating that they would drive in a way so their daughter wouldn't see the truck selling ice cream and then proceed to indicate to her parents that she wanted one.'

'Nice.'

'And it was then her parents heard their daughter speak her first two words.'

'Which were?'

'You miserable bastards.'

I don't know about you, but I think that kid is sensational.

Sunshine can fly, but he just can't land.

Holiday snaps just in from The Sunshines. When you see pictures like this, I suppose we shouldn't really be surprised that only days after this shot was taken my brother dislocated his collar bone and possibly cracked a rib.

More evidence that he's cursed with the jumping gene.

His insurance company are going to hate him.

Whatever happened to John Cusack?

I always fancied myself a bit of him after Grosse Pointe Blank and High Fidelity, but ever since then, well, pass the nuts.

And I have been vaguely suspicious that he wears eyeliner, but then - am I doing him a disservice?

Holiday Conversation #5. Just because I can.

I was talking to Seven Year Old niece after we had just been swimming. Since Five Year Old's lips had started to turn blue from spending far too long in the water, she had been hurled from pool into the bath to warm up.

'Shall we take Monty (the lab) for a walk after we're dry?' Says I.

'Yeah!' Says Seven Year Old , full of enthusiasm.

'Well, lets go wait until Five Year Old is out of the bath and see if she wants to come too.'

'Ohhhhh nooooooooooooooooooooooo!'

'Why not?

'Cause she's so annoying.'

'But that's younger sisters for you. They're supposed to be annoying some of the time. I bet Mummy says I'm annoying, sometimes.'

Seven Year Old sighs wisely, 'Yes, she does.'

And after this post I shall move on from Christmas, promise. Mostly.

This Christmas I had a makie kind of Christmas. The inspiration came from my sister-in-law, Mrs Sunshine, who had requested a whole bunch of my recipes. Not that you could call them recipes, they're butchered versions of what once was a recipe.

But by the time you've written out a whole pile of what-were-formally-known-as recipes, added a few photos that resemble absolutely nothing of what the food is going to look like (i.e beside a recipe for potatoes roasted in stock there is a shot of the most delicious roast potatoes and the caption 'These look nothing like the stock potatoes, don't you wish you had a recipe for those?), you can say 'Hey I've made a scrap cookbook!'

I know, small things, small brains.

Anyway, I got such a wee kick out of my making-my-present gig I decided to extend it to my Brother-in-Law. I made him a batch of the gooey goodness below, put it in ceramic pot and got the recipe laminated for him. Personally, I think the the laminated part of the present was the best part because, oh my, if you like Asian flavours, you're going to LOVE this.

And now I'm going to share.

Dressing to Die For.
(Not that I am suggesting you should).

If you want to get all flash Harry about it, I believe the technical term is SHOYU DRESSING, as in ‘I’ll shoyu something that tastes so good I will possibly have ruined your taste buds for life’.


You will need:
1/2 cup honey
1 cup soya sauce

3/4 cup water

2 tablespoons chopped ginger

2 tablespoons chopped garlic

2 red chillis

2 cardamon pods

2 star anise

You will need to:

Bring the whole shooting box to the boil. Reduce heat and simmer for ten minutes. Remove from heat. Cool and leave for an hour for flavours to infuse.

You will also need to:

Find something to pour this delicious sauce over. You can do it over any manner of fish, even the raw stuff, if that takes your fancy. I believe bird is partial to it, as is cow and sheep.

You’re welcome.

Holiday Conversation #4

Holiday Conversation #4 comes courtesy of texts and the interweb.

The Sunshines have been holidaying in Whistler and Puerto Rico, and by all accounts they've been having a blast.

Here is a piece of an email from Sunshine:

'We went on a cataraman snorkelling cruise which everyone thought was very cool. We loved the snorkelling and saw lots of tropical fish. The yacht had a slide on it which got plenty of use.The town was on a nice bay with an island about 1 km out. I swam out to the island both mornings and saw lots more sea life which was cool - including a turtle swimming along. The reason we went to Vieques was to go kayaking and swimming in the biolumisent bay at night. It has these tiny plant/fish organisms in it and when you stir the water they light up. Quite amazing. Your paddle looks like a light sabre when you push it through the water. You kick your feet and it looks like a white fire.'

And then: 'Last night they took us out on the town to an area where there is heaps of bars and bands. The traffic is blocked off and there are people dancing in the streets. I'm going to learn some Latin American dancing because it looked so cool. Fantastic people watching and some cool music.

And then yesterday I got this text:

'Just got out of A&E here. Five hours to get an x-ray, diagnosis and prescription. Got dumped by a wave, dislocated my collarbone (again!) and ground some skin off my face. Got the big needle in the butt so not feeling too bad. But not looking forward to it wearing off though! The impact would have killed a normal bloke. My morning jog may have to be postponed.'

I text my brother back: 'How big was the wave ?! You do realise you're not supposed to go swimming in a fucking tsunami, Sunshine!'

He text: 'Just a bad choice of wave to come in on. Note to self: let the big ones go if you want to come in to the beach.'

Bugger.

Holiday Conversation #3

My new year was spent with at a beach with a bunch of old friends from university. Collectively we were a carbon earthquake as there were four plus two small people from England, two plus one small person from the States, one from Cambodia and three from New Zealand.

And there was a bit of a mutual fashion admiration fan club going on.

'That's a fantastic dress Kate, is it vintage?' Asked Butcheredversionofmaidenname.

'Well, it smelled vintage when it arrived. It started out at $4 on Trademe! But I am loving your shorts, who made them?'

'Prada.'

'Yup, that'll explain them.'

Holiday Conversation #2

And the second in my series of Blog Holiday Conversations has a wee back story.

The morning after Christmas my five year old niece climbed into my bed about a good hour before any of the rest of the house had any intention of stirring and, without too much conversation from Miss Yippety-Yap here (and much to my joy), she managed to fall back to sleep.

About twenty minutes later I woke up and she was having a bad dream - eyes closed and she was making whimpering noises. I gently rubbed her forehead, her whimpering stopped and we managed to put about another twenty minutes sleep in the bank.

Later that evening, we were all over at another house and the nieces were put to bed, while everyone who wasn't seven or under continued doing what we do best at Christmas.

About nine o'clock Five Year Old Niece reappeared,claiming it was too light in her bedroom for her to sleep. I took her back to bed and said, 'What you've got to do is stick your head under the pillows and then it will be dark.'

Enthusiastically she dived under her pillows.

'Night, beautiful Five Year Old!'

'Kate?'

'Yes?'

Head pops out from under pillow darkness and sits up.

'Do you remember that time I got into your bed in the morning and I went to sleep and I started having a mean dream? I was dreaming my friends were leaving me behind. And you rubbed my forehead? '

'Yes, I do.'

'Okay!' Head dives back under pillow.

Is it just me, or is 'mean dream' the best term for a nightmare, ever? And don't you just love something that happened this morning being referred to as 'that time'?

And Happy New Year! She says gently dusting the sand from her shoulders.

Okay so I'm nearly back. Easing myself gently back into the year, doing it as slowly as possible because, like my birthday, I like to draaaaaag this holiday lark-thing out for as long as I can.

I hope everyone's Christmases and New Year were great. Mine were - but then - when you've got holidays, old friends, family-armed-for-battle-with-champagne and summer all rolled into one, how can you go wrong?

I thought I'd slowly ease myself back into my blog world with some conversations I've had over the holiday period. And here we go with a starter for ten.

Ring !Ring!

'Hello, Kate here.'

'Do you know how to get bird shit out of the carpet?' Asks Brother-in-law.

Insert: peals of laughter.

Weary sigh. 'Knew you would be absolutely no help whatsoever, could you put your mother on, please?'

I was so pleased I was the person answering that phone call and not the person making it.