Monday, February 01, 2010

I do notice she left out the bit about playing a French hooker, though.

After Saturday's post (see below) I got this email from the Australian Office. She just wanted to clear a few things up, so I encourage you to read her email.


Very happy to be the Australian Office, but may need to charge you a small fee!

However, I feel I'm being unfairly pigeon-holed on the whole 'swims with sharks', 'swears at PM' category, without any recognition of my full talents and experience.

I've had lots of important work-related tasks, such as the

*Whole morning spent lying in a coffin in 'dead' make-up whilst a grown man 'corpse' is repeatedly thrown on top of me (to illustrate a money saving tip for surviving the
recession - 2 bodies per coffin).

*A entire week dedicated to in-depth research of penile-enlargement and erectile
dysfunction products.

*4 hours of 'in-bred' make-up to apply an extra eye, 2 more ears, prosthetic nose, rash, back-hump and dodgy teeth, then a further hour dancing along to a reworking of The Brady Bunch theme with lyrics about the Fritzl family - aka The Inbreddy Bunch.

*Co-ordinating a fund-raising sausage sizzle for local brothels.

*Convincing a Norwegian cabinet minister to be interviewed so that the presenter could then steal his wallet and state secrets.

*Getting 18 rockclimbers in a Smart car.

*Learning to eat M&Ms really fast with chopsticks.

*Taking a comedian to a registry office to change his name to Ghvftr Kijl.

*Organising a 'before and after' makeover in which only one side of the presenter's
body was waxed, tanned, exercised, hair-dyed, teeth-whitened and botoxed.

*Acting as guardian to a 7-year-old Indian child during a shoot in which he
pretended to hold Prince Phillip's penis whilst he peed.

*Trying to persuade a 7 foot shark to attack a life-size cardboard cut-out of violinist Andre Rieu.

*Throwing severed fingers into a teenager's hoody.

*Emerging repeatedly from a (bloody cold) sea dressed as a woman who drowned in 1973.

*Advertising slimming underwear for the under-ones.

*Organising an invasion of Liechtenstein.

I have plenty more but am running out of time.

I do have some standards though (not many) - I once refused to dress in pink Ku Klux Klan robes and dance around a burning cross during a mock lynching in aid of KKK Against Breast Cancer...

Anyway, just wanted to set the record straight...

Suddenly your job seems really boring, doesn't it?


The Researcher said...

Well, that ought to alienate and offend almost everyone who reads your blog.

Sorry, I forgot about the French hooker thing - that seems to have been removed from YouTube now.

Today I spoke to a wrestler called The Ox Rox who has little fluffy hooves on his lycra tights, a group of female body builders, a train timetable 'enthusiast', and the president of the Australian Beer Can Collecting Association - he has about 10,000.
Just another day in the office...

laughykate said...

Didn't you have to stop writing what you were doing on your Facebook page cause you thought people thought you were making it up?

The Researcher said...

Yes, I was accused of making it up by a number of people, clearly none of whom work in my industry!

Jo said...

I... I haven't done anything yet today...!

laughykate said...

It does make sitting at a computer all day seem kind of ordinary,Jo!

Holemaster said...

The only job I've ever done other than working in design was stock-taking in a Brash's music store in Sydney in 1998. That was boring as hell.

laughykate said...

I am going to out-bore you. In Sydney I had a job for half a day putting sanitary pads into boxes. I was supposed to put 12 in per box. Most boxes got at least 15. I wanted to give people value for money.

Holemaster said...

I would have put one nappy in each box.

laughykate said...

No, Holemaster! Free stuff.Imagine how happy women would have felt to know they got great value for money.

Janie Jones said...

My life is way boring.

Well except for the part where I spent 8 hours a day proctoring blow jobs and telling people to suck harder then suggesting they avail themselves to the jumbo pack of tissues and sani-wipes.

No, wait, my life is way boring. I am a pulmonary testing technician.

Fat Sparrow said...

You know, I have to tell you, I thought stuff like that was pretty much par for the course for Australians.

laughykate said...

Janie....a pulmonary testing technician....I'm not supposed to believe that, am I ? Oh wait, this is the internet....

Fat Sparrow, obviously (in Australia )her job is considered very run of the mill.