Thursday, March 26, 2009

One of the beauties of having a small brain is that you remain blissfully ignorant to how ridiculous your theories actually are.

I've been working with food for the last few days (hey, at least it doesn't talk back) and I've developed a new theory.

I've decided vegetables and humans are pretty similar. You cook a vegetable until it's at its nutritional best and that is when its colour the most vibrant it will ever be.

Exhibit A.

Doesn't that look like a colour you might want an item of clothing in?

'Yes I love this dress, but do you have it in just-blanched-broccoli?'

However if you insist on cooking broccoli beyond this point it doesn't cut the mustard any more and it looks as about appetising as its nutritional value.
Exhibit B.

I'm sorry, but only its mother could love that.

And humans are the same when it comes to suntans. I am talking white people here, generally a gentle dust of a tan enhances a person's look. How many times have you heard people talking about someone back from time away, looking good because they have a tan? A little bit of vitamin D is good for us.

Exhibit C.

I mean, what's wrong with that? A man with a tan, and I'd be putting my hand up and saying that his tan enhances his look.

But if, like vegetables, you take it a bridge too far and tan too much, the body bites back, seeks revenge and just makes you look plain old fugly.

Exhibit D.

It's like her body is shrieking, 'Hey Donatella, stop smearing me with the ugly paint oh and, could I have something to eat?'

Or maybe Donatella knows something we don't and just doesn't want anyone to eat her.

Anyway, that's my theory for the week, next I shall start work on Relativity, or has somebody already done that?


Medbh said...

Brilliant, LK.

Although I have to say that the plate of overcooked broccoli seems far more scary, only because I regularly have it in the house, whereas that lap cat of the patriarchy would never have a chance.

laughykate said...

Have to say, that plate of overcooked broccoli would also send me screaming from the room but then,so would Donatella. (It's just occurred to me, Donatella rhymes with Nutella, is that a coincidence - or no?)

Janie Jones said...

Oh. My. Gawd. I am too seriously frightened by this to respond further.

At least where I'm from over tanning is not an issue, and body fat is necessary to survive the winter....

laughykate said...

Janie, check back tomorrow and I will have something even scarier for you!

whoopsadaisy said...

Laughykate I cannot believe that you managed to avoid mentioning the breast implants. Like hello, they are the only bit of smooth skin on her. Yuck, yuck, yuck!

Holemaster said...


That's the best I've ever seen Broccoli look. I've had to art direct food shoots before. You'd think Paté was easy to photograph. NOT.

laughykate said...

Whoopsadaisy, I thought the implants and the lips spoke all for themselves. *Shudder*

Holemaster, how on earth can you make something that looks like mud,look good?!

jothemama said...

that's the scariest, most upsetting thing.

But whywhywhywhy would she wear a bikini?? Instead of, say, a burkha?

I"m scared to ask,but I wonder what age she is?

laughykate said...

She's 53! However I reckon that's in dog years, I bet her body age is closer to 80.

XChequer said...

I hate it when people use my "XChequer impersonates George C" photo. I'm far too modest for that sort of aggrandizement.


laughykate said...

They do say everyone has a double somewhere in the world.