One of the beauties of having a small brain is that you remain blissfully ignorant to how ridiculous your theories actually are.

I've been working with food for the last few days (hey, at least it doesn't talk back) and I've developed a new theory.

I've decided vegetables and humans are pretty similar. You cook a vegetable until it's at its nutritional best and that is when its colour the most vibrant it will ever be.

Exhibit A.

Doesn't that look like a colour you might want an item of clothing in?

'Yes I love this dress, but do you have it in just-blanched-broccoli?'

However if you insist on cooking broccoli beyond this point it doesn't cut the mustard any more and it looks as about appetising as its nutritional value.

Exhibit B.

I'm sorry, but only its mother could love that.

And humans are the same when it comes to suntans. I am talking white people here, generally a gentle dust of a tan enhances a person's look. How many times have you heard people talking about someone back from time away, looking good because they have a tan? A little bit of vitamin D is good for us.

Exhibit C.

I mean, what's wrong with that? A man with a tan, and I'd be putting my hand up and saying that his tan enhances his look.

But if, like vegetables, you take it a bridge too far and tan too much, the body bites back, seeks revenge and just makes you look plain old fugly.

Exhibit D.

It's like her body is shrieking, 'Hey Donatella, stop smearing me with the ugly paint oh and, could I have something to eat?'

Or maybe Donatella knows something we don't and just doesn't want anyone to eat her.

Anyway, that's my theory for the week, next I shall start work on Relativity, or has somebody already done that?