I got a call from an old mate who lives out of town just before Christmas (we once flatted together for about four years).
'When are you going away?'
'And when are you coming back?'
'Good, cause I want your house, I want your car and I want your fridge - preferably stocked full of food and alcohol.'
So we organised the minor details of where I was going to drop the keys to my house, car and the fact that I needed to text him my alarm code - which was all good.
Except for one thing.
I almost forgot about the key dropping-off part.
Luckily, I remembered while I was still at the airport and just as I was climbing into a glass of free chardonnay. (Okay, I know technically it's not free but if you don't pay for it at the time it still seems free).
What had happened was that I was running a little bit late, so I forgot the things I didn't actually need to do in order to get myself out of the city.
So you can understand that it wasn't until I was safely ensconced in the airport lounge with a delayed plane that my mind went, 'Fuck! Keys. Haven't dropped.'
Off I went and dropped them with the nice people at the desk and rang my mate to tell him how I'd nearly forgotten and smugly added that I'd remembered in the nick of time.
I then started to text him my alarm code, my text started, 'Do you know how tempting it is to tell you the wrong .....'
Naturally - poof!- the code disappeared right out of my head. Those thieving code stealers committed daylight robbery.
I rang him again.
'I've forgotten my alarm code.'
'You can't have forgotten your code.'
'I've forgotten my code.'
'You're an idiot.'
'Still doesn't make me remember my code.'
'No, you really are an idiot.'
'Oh and, there is also one other thing.'
'What - apart from the fact that I will get to your house only minutes before your security company does?'
'I had meant to fill up my car but I ran out of time cause I was running late, so now my empty petrol tank problem is your problem.'
'So no code and petrol?'
'Yup, even though I am confident the code shall return to my brain in due course.'
'Brilliant, how many petrol stations are going to be open at ten p.m on Christmas day?'
'As I said, my problem now your problem, kemosabe.'
You will be happy to hear that I got a text from him on Christmas day telling me that he was in my house drinking a blizzardly cold Heineken about 10.45p.m.
But I think he got the last laugh.
I got home, went to start the car.