Friday, August 28, 2009

My father can be such a bastard. But if he changes, I will kill him.

So the Fruitcake, my mother, has been learning mahjong.

Now this is more complicated than the sentence may initially read.

Some of you will be familar with how numerically challenged she is.

As I have said before, we are talking about the woman who, when playing Monopoly would roll, say, a six and a three, and before she could say 'Pass me the calculator' you'd exclaim 'Eight ! Go straight to jail!'

She was reasonably delighted when she told me that the mahjong sensei thought her and her friends were good enough to play on their own, and that she was going to be hosting them all for a gruelling afternoon while they slogged it out over the mahjong table.

And that is why she wasn't answering the telephone when my father-the-arms-dealer was trying to tell her that he had arrived safely back in the country.

So he rang me instead, 'I'm back ! Can't get hold of your mother, she's not answering the phone - I think she's having a snakes and ladders party.'

11 comments:

Grow Up said...

Oh thank God, other people have weird families too.

Holemaster said...

Your Father the arms dealer? Please elaborate.

laughykate said...

Don't worry Grow Up, I can make you feel very normal.

Holemaster, it's either arms or organs - we are not too sure. But the name of the company he works for makes me suspect arms.

Let's just say his passport is far too interesting for 'farmer' - which is what he was before he went over to the dark side.

Holemaster said...

So does he work for Kalakshnikov Human Organs and General Arms Corporation?

"Hello Mr. Katedad, we need some assorted human legs, preferably black although not essential, three lungs, one heart, two opposing eyeballs (matching colour if possible). Oh and we need twenty crates of AK-47s to exact revenge on the bastards".

laughykate said...

Oh shit, Holemaster, did you REALLY have to ? He is far too obliging with orders, and if he doesn't get what he wants, I fear I may wake up in a bath full of ice - with a phone in arm's reach and the vague feeling that something is missing...

Holemaster said...

That happened me once LK. But when I phoned the Ambulance, I spoke with an Australian accent.

laughykate said...

Kidney?

Holemaster said...

Brain.

laughykate said...

My father got you a new one, didn't he?

Holemaster said...

Brain missing, hence Australian accent.

laughykate said...

I wonder what happened to the cat.