You get yesterday's news here, tomorrow.

I know everybody dissected the Oscars, like, on Tuesday but the news you get here broke so long ago that it has already been glued back together again.

But that's not going to stop me. Here is my not-very-informed take on the Oscars.

Actor in a Leading Role: Sean Penn, Milk.

Can't comment on this this one, only to say that I can't bring myself to watch Benjamin Button cause it just seems too creepy. Oh and whenever I saw Micheal Sheen on Frost Nixon, all I could think of was him when he played Tony Blair in Queenie's film.

Actress in a Leading Role: Kate Winslet, The Reader

If only to stop everyone banging on about the fact that she had been nominated six times and still not taken a statue home. Martin Scorsese, anyone?

Actor in a Supporting Role: Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight

And not just because he's dead.

Actress in a Supporting Role: Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona

I reckon if an alien landed on earth and was wanting to look up in 'The Handbook to the Earth' the definition of Batshit Insane Crazy Mentaller it would say 'See Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona.'

Earrings in a Supporting Role: Angelina Jolie

What are they? Where did they come from? How can I get my hands on them?

Everything else going to Slumdog. Oh yeah.

I reckon they deserved an Oscar for having the balls to actually shoot it in Mumbai. It reminded me of that quote that says that most of the greatest things man has achieved has been done by people not smart enough to realise quite how impossible what they were attempting to achieve actually was.

Pure class, that film.