Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Disneyland Dwarves

Coming in at 1'60, or 5ft 3 ins, my friends take great delight in taking the piss out of my height. I have one bastard friend who often says, 'Don't dwarves die at thirty? ( If they do, then I am a miracle.Oh, that's right, I'm not - technically - a dwarf.)

However, did you know that discrimination has sent a community of dwarves to set up their own village in China?

In order to join the mountain commune in Kunming in southern China, you gotta come in under 4ft 3ins tall. And if you're a dwarf, and always harboured a desire to be in either the police force or the fire brigade but never could cause you never made the height requirement, well, this place is for you - cause they've got their own police force and fire brigade for all of their 120 residents.

And the enterprising little buggers have turned themselves into a tourist attraction by building mushroom houses,living and dressing like fairy tale characters and performing musical numbers.
As you do.


injaynesworld said...

That is hysterical. I used to be a whopping 5'4 1/2, but age and a compressed fracture of the L@ have reduced me to 5'3 1/4. But I still lie on my driver's license. Don't let the bastards get you down. ;)

laughykate said...

*whispers* That height measurement was from school. Since then I have had a disc removed and been lowered. But I'm not owning up to that. I'm STILL 5'3. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Fat Sparrow said...

I'm barely 5'2", and the Spouse Sparrow's a tad shorter than me (although he will swear up and down that he is 5'5" and if that is the case I am a feckin supermodel) and he has serious height issues. I never did, once I was out of elementary school. When tall guys would say things like "How're things down there" all suggestive, like, I would reply with "Not so good, you should get that looked at." Pretty soon the comments stop, heh.

I always feel so damn short going to the daughter's Uni cafeteria, though, they are absolutely massive there, even the girls. They're all sporty and thing and they would just step right on me with their big cleat-y shoes and not even notice, some guy was holding his cafeteria tray right above my head and didn't even notice until he tried to walk.

Tall people are obviously bad as they are using up too many of the world's resources by being unnecessarily tall. Have you ever seen a sports-scholarship person at Uni down 14 hard-boiled eggs in one sitting? It's not pretty. And yes, that was one of the girls.

I like the little houses; I wonder which part of the fairy stories have houses with penis-like towers sprouting out of them? Must be an interesting read for the kiddies.

laughykate said...

'down 14 hard-boiled eggs in one sitting'


Fat Sparrow said...

No, seriously, I shit you not. I can try to have the Spouse Sparrow sneak a pic next time; I was fucking amazed. You don't even want to know what the sports guys were eating. Jesus. At least the sports girls aren't boking it up in the cafeteria bathroom afterward, unlike the bulimic coeds who are barfing up Daddy's hard-earned money. You should see the sports girls; it's like Xena with a soccer ball. They have me a-feared.

I just got back a few hours ago from picking up the daughter at Uni (she came down with Martian Death Plague, too), and I could not face the cafeteria, what with my fever and all the eggs were just too much for me so we had soup and tea elsewhere. We're supposed to drop her back off Tuesday night, assuming we all survive; the Spouse Sparrow loves the cafeteria food there so I'll see if I can bribe him with that and if he can get a pic.

Truly, I can't even begin to imagine what their budget for eggs is. The dinners are buffet-style-all-you-can-eat, and man, do those sports kids eat! And now that I think about it, I'm glad the Fledgling Sparrow isn't in one of the sports dorms. Those egg farts must be appalling.