Just call me Panadol.

Let's face it, the Brits must have a bit of a headache going on right now.

I am talking about their opening ceremony for their Olympic Games in 2012.

How on earth are they going to top the Chinese? Instead of a cast of 15,000 are they going to try and choreograph 30,000? Instead of spending U.S $100 million, are they going to fork out U.S $200 million? (Which I have to say is just a little bit silly, anyone heard of starving African nations? Or your own backyard that was recently annihilated by an earthquake? Isn't that bit like painting your house with nine carat gold paint while the neighbours are living in a tent fashioned out of supermarket bags?)

And if you go by figures being touted on the Internet (it's entirely up to you as to whether you believe it or not), the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony cost ten times more than Athens Olympics.

In four years time will there a nationwide talent quest (Baby Idol ) to find a three-year-old who can sing opera?

Anyway, I have a solution. I can take the British headaches away.

Don't try and compete with those who have gone before you.

Go minimalist. It's so much cooler.

Give everyone a pint, a packet of crisps and roll the Christmas Special of Coronation Street on the big screens.

Then tell them all to rack off home early cause some people have got to get in a decent night's sleep.

That way they will be able to save a headache, feed a starving nation, rebuild (insert name of recently devastated province/country) and still have money for hospitals, schools and roads once the whole circus has left town.

Easy.