As a result of the the weekend I have a few questions to ask about the Olympics.
1. What would be the easiest sport to qualify in?
See, I thought if you had ambitions to become an Olympic athlete you basically had to dedicate your life to achieving this goal. (Or if you were an Eastern European gymnast someone else would decide this for you).
But is there a sport that you could wake up one morning, say, aged twenty-four and think, 'I am going to compete in the next Olympics.' (And hacking off a limb just so you could compete in the disabled Olympics is not allowed.)
2. What would be the most boring sport to train for?
Team sports are immediately ruled out for this because logistics of each game are constantly changing and besides, you've got team members to talk to.
I was discussing this with some friends and it was mooted that rowing would be the most dull. Pull. Pull. Pull.Pull.Pulll.Pull faster. But then I pointed at that at least you were on the water and the scenery would change.
My pick is that swimming training would be the most dull. The view never changes, there's no one to talk to, the route never changes - it's boring. I know, I swim and generally the reason I get out of the pool is not because I am knackered, it's because I am bored out of my tiny little brain.
3. What sport would you have to put the least amount of training into, on a weekly basis?
What is the sport for the lazy athlete?
4. What is the most ridiculous sport?
You could argue synchronised swimming or synchronised diving. But then, the modern pentathlon is pretty out there. Cause let's look at it - fencing, pistol shooting, 200 metres swimming, show jumping and cross country running. And this all comes under one competition, people -it's the sport for those suffering ADHD.
But you will notice it's the modern pentathlon. I really like the sound of the plain old pentathlon - it was supposed to be a simulated experience of a nineteenth century cavalry soldier and you had to ride an unfamiliar horse, fight with a pistol and a sword and go for a run.
Now, that sounds like a competition. Bring back the ancient pentathlon.
Which leads me to ponder on what sports you would compete in for the Terrorist Olympics? There'd be Bus Blowing, Hijacking, Kidnapping - oh all manner of things. There would have to be posthumous medal ceremonies ('and the gold coffin goes to') and individual terrorist groups would enter, not countries.
Okay, I will stop now.
5. Who-is-the-hottest question, i.e which sport will give you the best body?
Could be too early to answer this one, at this point in time I am saying swimming for the blokes. Woof. Day-am they are fine. Beach volley ball too. And maybe beach volley ball for women as well.
6. And the last question I will leave you to ponder - at what point does a bottom.....
......turn into booty ?