You complain, you risk a boning knife to the throat.

I was reading in the Sunday Star Times (not the actual article I read, but it was best the SST's search engine could do for me) about chef Peter Gordon's fundraising dinner he held on Saturday night for the Leukaemia and Blood Foundation. In a nutshell, he gathered 13 of the world's best chef's who crafted four-course meals for guests and then flogged seats for $350 a head.

Can you imagine what the kitchen would have been like ?

But then, maybe I am being uncharitable and suffering from the Gordon Ramsay effect in that I now assume all chefs come with volcanic tempers and extraordinary egos?

Anyhou, the chefs prepared numbers such as five-spiced quail, pheasant breast and (wait for it) lobster porridge. I'm sorry, but can I have my porridge sans lobster and tomorrow morning when I wake up?

I haven't read anything about how the night actually went, but I would imagine it would have been a roaring success. However the thing that caught my eye in the article was that they interviewed four of the chefs on strange requests they've had from diners in their restaurants. Martin Bosley spoke of a dieting American who wanted all their vegetables in boiled mineral water and Al Brown noted the time a diner requested vegemite for his bread roll, but it was Peter Gordon who had the best story.

Donatella Versace came into his restaurant and requested a meal of steamed chicken and two pieces of bok choy. The waiter said, 'Peter was in the Versace shop and saw those really nice black pants but he doesn't the pleats and he doesn't want the sequins.'

Outstandingly played.

And yes, I'm going to do it to you again, you know it's coming and you can't stop me.

With requests like that, it's little wonder she looks like this.

And now I've most probaby made 90% percent of you lose your appetites, I shall now skip merrily off into my day.