Ho HO Ho!

                                          

It's time! The house smells of Christmas lilies, the pohutakawa are out,  the evenings are lazily long and summer has well and truly moved into the building which means the time to write the last post of the year. 

I absolutely love this time of year. Heat and holidays, it doesn't get much better than that.

It's a time to appreciate.

This was made so very clear to me yesterday as I went to a harrowingly sad funeral. It was sudden and unexpected which so is especially brutal for those who were close to this lovely woman. Their lives  have been thrown into a turmoil of raw grief, which always seems so much crueler around Christmas.

I went as a mark of respect, but it served to remind me that Death has no conscience or social grace and that you really must make the most of life.

On that note (please enjoy, please enjoy, please enjoy), I hope you all have wonderful and safe Christmases, thank you for visiting and a big thank you to my lovely commenters. See you on the other side! 

Oh, the power.

Yesterday we were off to see one of the agencies who we work with to take them some Christmas cheer.

One of my team was putting together a box of goodies that looked sensational. It was stuffed full of: chocolates, marshmellow Santas, strawberries, blueberries - basically it was a box of fun.

I casually wafted by her desk with the absolute intention of relieving the basket of (just the one, Your Honour) a chocolate.

I was surreptitiously slipping my hand into the basket when I hear from the across the office, 'Fuck off out of my Christmas basket, Lastname!'

I laughed like a drain and turned to her, 'You really don't care that I sign off on your invoices, do you?'

Sing along

I stumbled across this track the other day and, have to say, I am loving it. Thought I'd share.

You realise you're short when...

...you go around to your friends' house and discover that their ten year old daughter's Chucks are half a size larger than your own.

Some days I love being me.

Text this morning from my cousin:

'Bet your day started better than mine. Message to self:strawberry daiquiris should not be consumed on a Sunday. Popped into girls' room at 6.30 a.m. Smells a bit odd. Smallest had vomited in bed in the night. Smallest has long hair. Immense credit that I didn't just tiptoe right back out of there. Coffee.'

Guess Who Missed Last Call?

So there I was this morning, having picked up my coffee and meandering off to work. 

When I took a double take. 

'Is that a stuffed pigeon in the window of that restaurant? What would possess anyone to put a stuffed pigeon in the window of their restaurant?'

I look again and then watched as the stuffed pigeon walked from the table to the back of the chair. 

And then pose as I took its photo. 

Don't ya just hate it when you get so drunk you fall asleep in the restaurant dunnies?

Dumb Ways to Die.

This is week-old news for New Zealanders and Australians but a friend of mine sent this to me and I just have to share it with you Northern Hemisphere types who may not have seen it yet.

A safety video put out by Metro Trains in Melbourne.

Simply, the best safety video - ever.



My favourite line - 'See both your kidneys on the internet.'

Gold.

Relief Is....

Opening the car and thinking, 'Oh no - what that smell? Has something just died in my car?'

And then realising it's the stinky French brie you bought twenty minutes ago.

Just in from the London Office

The London Office kindly sent me this fodder. It's a collection of small ad which had allegedly appeared in UK newspapers in the recent past. 

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.

8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
___________________________________________

FREE PUPPIES

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
________________________________________________

FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.

Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
_______________________________________________________

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
________________________________________________________

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!   Must sell washer and dryer £100.
_____________________________________________________________

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE  Worn once by mistake.

Call Stephanie.
___________________________________________________________

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.

Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.

No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
___________________________________________________________

I'm not sure which is my favourite - but I am quite fond of the top three. 

A Must Read.

I have just read a sensational book. It's one of those please-don't-let-it-end books. 

It's called The Red Book and is by Deborah Copaken Kogan. It's about four Harvard College room mates who attend their college reunion twenty years after they graduated.

Her writing is stunning, 'Bucky, it saddens her to realise, has become one of those besuited shadows one sees on the LIRR platform, starting vacantly down the tracks waiting with equal indifference for both train and death.'

'He pauses, glancing around at the tent at all that lost potential, all that promise now shrouded in middle-aged fat and khaki.'

And, when talking about a woman who has experience far too much death for one lifetime, 'And Jane is crying not because she did or didn't know Hatch but because no matter how many people close to her have died, no matter how much grief has been piled on and endured, the fact of death itself still has the power to shock, every single time, with its indifference. 

It's a bloody good yarn.

Question.

Does anyone reckon Obama woke up this morning and thought for a nano second, 'Another four years? Really? I'm knackered.'

Something to Brighten Your Friday

A wee present from Awkward Family Photo. 

I wonder what is the significance of the supermarket in this photo? It's cut price? Where they met? 

Note they chose to take this photo in the sweet section, I suppose you'd be worried if it was in the cleaning aisle.

Regardless, it think it's sensational and I really hope these people join my movement to Name Their Child Like a Haiku.

Move Over Bonsai Bears

In my second to last post I introduced you to the idea of Bonsai Bears.

Now I think I have just done to names what I have done to animals.

When naming your children I think people should consider becoming part of  a new and exciting  movement: Name Your Child Like a Haiku.

It works like this.

Say your last name is Bird. You have a daughter. You name her Catriona Drew Bird.

Shortened version?

Cat Drew Bird.

Voila! A multi tasking name - both name and haiku.

You have a boy? Your last name is Sun? Easy.

Name him Storm (yes, it's both genders, the Internet told me). Second name - Chase.

Storm Chase Sun.

Truly, I am beside myself with excitement on this one. And the possibilities are endless...

Female Supervision Not Included.

The London Office has kindly sent me this series of photographs. They're filed under Men Who Lack Female Supervision. However I reckon #1 just looks like good old plain fun. (Gumboots may have been advisable, though).

I have to admit, when I first looked at this my initial reaction was, 'But what's wrong with that?' However this is coming from the woman who once got thrown out of a Tupperware party.

 The only thing I'm unsure about in the following shot is the choice of cap colour.

 Hmm, I'm hoping they managed to open the windows before they passed out from the fumes.

 Hey - Father Christmas is only human !

 'You wanna fly, lil' Lawnmower?'

So remember, all you budding hedge mowers, when you get to mowing the top of the hedge - always  think Safety First.

When Dreams Fly

I had a dream the other night that a friend of mine had acquired three baby grizzly bears. Naturally, off I went to visit them.

They were absolutely gorgeous but I did say to her, ‘Have you thought about when they grow up into great big grizzly bears? How are you going to look after them - and more importantly - save yourself from getting ripped limb from limb by them, when they turn into grumpy teenagers?'

‘Oh, that won’t be a problem – they won’t – they’re Bonsai Bears.’

Sometimes, just sometimes, I love my dream brain.

Twelve Miles. Six Cameras. Four Days. One Shuttle. No Sleep.

Check out the last  of the fanfare celebrating Endeavour's  new digs.

I suppose what this says to me is, no matter how you look at it, there's no escaping the fact that one day we're all going to end up in some form of retirement home.

I'm just wondering if a big shed is what Endeavour had in mind for itself.

Memo to Religion.

I may be late to this posting-party, but I think this is genius. 

You can't really add to that, can you?

Things That Make You Feel Nearly Dead #437

When you go on to one of your favourite clothing websites where they're advertising, this week, great  specials on vintage clothing.

Whoopee! You think, ‘I love me a vintage bargain,’ and click on through.

Only to discover, ‘Vintage 80s acid-wash denim pencil skirts.’

Shoot me now. 

Winning.

In the last week: my 76 year-old father has bought an iPhone 5, my mother got the Don't Come Monday from her quack three months after falling off a ladder whilst pruning the roses and massacring her wrist, my sister got quoted in The Wall Street Journal, I got potentially the hardest project of my career over the line and my brother took this photo. 

All in all, a reasonably good week.

Illogical (and potentially deadly) Whims

One day I would love to walk in to the bathroom and find a panda bear relaxing in the bath. Not a filled bath, an empty bath. 

It's just I reckon our bath would be the perfect size for a bear and practically every morning I walk in to the bathroom this thought occurs to me.   

One of these guys would do. 

I think one of them would fit perfectly. 

And I'd quite like to have a pet panda bear.

Wise Words

This was just posted by a friend of mine on Facebook. 

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED IN THE LAST YEAR:

The health system isn’t perfect but few of us question it.

The car is a great place to cry.

Health is impossible to buy.

Doctors give you their educated opinion not a guarantee. Don’t treat it as such.

If someone makes you cry in public changing the subject is good.
If someone makes you cry in private its nice if they cry with you.

Things may or may not happen for a reason. Regardless of this, they happen all the same.

How you react to what has happened is something you can control, even if it feels like you cant sometimes.

Its possible to feel like you are doing great, and terrible at the same time.

You will probably not die instantly in an accident, so stop fooling yourself that the crap you put in your body isn’t going to matter.

Its nice to think something we call coincidence is not that at all.

Dying people have really silly regrets too – so let yours go, no one else probably even cares.

We spend more money on our car than our health.

TV, Games, Facebook and Work are probably forever, the one laying next to you at night definitely isn’t.

*******
Nearly twelve months ago she lost her partner - incredibly swiftly and brutally - to stomach cancer. 

He was a fit, strapping fire fighter. 

And he wasn't even thirty. 

Pet Crocodiles.

Over at Laughing Squid you will find the post that hosts this photo called, 'Crocodiles Eat, An Anamorphic 3D Painting Installed Inside of a Home.'

I just thought 'Crikey, where's Steve Irwin when you need him?' 

Oh that's right, a pissed off stingray got to him first. 

But I have to say, this is taking talent to another level. 

Check out the reverse view.

The clever clogs who created it is a German artist by the name of  Nikolaj Arndt.

I always knew mirrors gave another perspective to a room, however I now know that carpet can also pull of the same effect. 

Who'da thought?

And credit for my morning talk goes to Brother-in-law via David Thompson.

Awkward

As I hadn't been over to Awkward Family Photo for a while, I thought I'd swing by for a quick peak. 

And, as usual, they never fail to deliver. Check out this piece of gold. 

I think this could be called Sensational in Satin.

I'm really hoping the grass isn't wet, though.

A Small Flat White with a Sugar to Go.

As I was walking to work this morning I was silently thanking the World for giving us coffee. 

It makes me so much nicer in the mornings.

Hello Spring

Not to be outdone by the opening of the Olympics, Christchurch welcomes the first days of Spring. 

No dynamite was used in the construction of this post.

Pigs will Fly and Koalas will Swim.

I like this guy's attitude. He saw an opportunity and swam for it.

That's one smart bear.

Pirates

A friend of mine has a three year old who is currently obsessed with pirates.  

Recently they were out at a café and her daughter started talking in a pirate accent. My friend chimes in, both of them both heartily chatting away in Pirate.

And if you’re familiar with talking in Pirate you’ll understand that volume is necessary to perfect the accent.

A few minutes into this banter her daughter wanted to go to the loo, so off they trot.

It was on their way back that my friend was mortified to discover her daughter’s inspiration for talking in Pirate.

There was a man sitting at the table behind them wearing an eye patch. 

Busted!

Once of my Australian cousins posted this on Facebook. 

It's what she discovered in the kitchen and she accompanied the photo with the comment, 'Nothing spells guilty like the bag from a BBQ chook on one's head...'

And my comment was, 'If I can't see you, then you can't see me.'

Just In Case You Haven't Seen Teddy Already...

I think Teddy is awesome. 

Stork TV

Since I have been at the company I am currently working for I have worked on four different productions. So that means four different production managers.

First production manager came to the production engaged, then got married, fell pregnant, then left.

Second production manager came to the production engaged, then got married, fell pregnant, then left.

Third production manager came to the production engaged, then got married, fell pregnant and will leave at the end of the production and her pregnancy.

You know what’s coming next, don’t you?

Fourth production manager came to the production engaged, then got married, fell pregnant and will leave at not quite the end of production, but at the end of her pregnancy.

Needless to say management are asking questions, ie what do I do to make all the production managers who work on my productions leave? 

Burning Question

If an orange is called an orange, why isn't a lemon called a yellow?

Film Festival Love

I've been a happy wee camper over the last few weeks as the New Zealand Film Festival has been on in Auckland.

Let me count the ways I love pouring over the the festival magazine, choosing what to go to. I've been to four films this week (okay The Dark Knight doesn't count as a film festival number but, hey, I was on a roll). However I'm nowhere in the league of a colleague who told me that he was also limiting himself to the number of films he was going to this year.

'How many are you allowing yourself to go to?' Ask I.

'I've narrowed it down to eighteen.'

Anyhou, I was really looking forward to West of Memphis, the documentary about the failure of justice in the case against three teenagers whose biggest crime was to be bit left of field and, as a result, were falsely convicted of the brutal murders of three eight year old boys by a bunch of rednecks. It was directed by Amy Berg and produced in conjunction with Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh. (It's stunning, by the way).

We were lucky enough to have Peter Jackson present the film which was being screened at Auckland's grand old dame - the Civic.

I went with a very old friend of mine who, until recently, has been living in the States so she was well aware of the case and also really looking forward to seeing it.

Going well so far?

We make our way to our seats (with about two thousand of our closest friends), armed with a glass of wine and a packet of doritos, eager for the film to start. Peter Jackson comes on and starts to introduce it.

Everybody is craning forward, hanging off his every word.

Then, just in a moment of silence - CRUNCH! I turn to look at my friend I see the horror slowly register in her eyes at what she's just done.

Yep, you got it, totally inappropriate audible Dorito action.  This was bad timing at it's best. The Everest of bad timing. But even worse, while the Holy Grail of New Zealand Film was speaking to us. 

In the row in front, a man practically gave himself whiplash as his head snapped around to deliver a look which would freeze a bead of sweat.

And you know what's coming next, don't you?

Inappropriate giggling action. Yup, that was it. She was all over. We both hung our heads in shame while we silently shook and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.

And you know that when you're not allowed to laugh, that is just a red flag to your laugh bull and you're completely helpless to control it? Well that was us two. Silently shaking and shaking and shaking. Desperate for the silence to be filled up by the soundtrack of a film. It was like a car accident - time slowed down.

I have to say, it took a good twenty minutes for us to calm down. And even as I write the story, I'm off again, giggling away.

Sigh.

Mature? Clearly I haven't quite grasped the concept yet.

I live in hope.

One Last Jaunt Down Memory Lane - well for this week, at least.

For the last few posts I have been banging on about my parent's wedding anniversary. One last post. 

Sine my father is gadget-mad he saw this party as a reason to justify buying a new scanner. Now we're not talking any old run-of-the-mill scanner, we're talking a highly specc'd type that comes with hot and cold folding gateposts and potentially the ability to hack into NASA (you didn't know those existed, did you? Think again).

Anyway, over the course of the last few months he reckons he's scanned in over seven hundred slides and photos. 

This photo is one of my absolute favourites. It's a shot of my mother at a polo match.  

Now, I just wonder who I have to kill to get my hands on those glasses.

The Jumping Gene. Again.

As I said in my last post, it was my parents fiftieth wedding anniversary last weekend. The clan headed to Hawkes Bay and we enjoyed a lunch party with sixty-five of our parent's nearest and dearest.

I'd just like to point out that my brother Sunshine exhibited signs of the jumping gene which I have discussed in other posts.

Exhibit A.

Can I just point out that this photo was taken by my sister about nine thirty am......in the middle of winter.


We think he's just a little bit mental, too.

Congratulations

This time fifty years and one day ago my parents got married. 

Congratulations my beautiful parents.

Holidays

My brother Sunshine, Mrs Sunshine and the not-so-small Sunshines have just got back from a family holiday in Peru and Brazil. (Permission to feel a teensy bit jealous:granted). Check out one of the holiday snaps we are now being tortured with. 

Hello Machu Picchu.

He sent me an email last week and it included the phrase, 'off to Rio tomorrow.' Like my cousin (see two posts below) I almost was never going to talk to him again.

But that was never going to happen because the photos look just far too good and I'm just far too nosey.

P.S Can you believe what you're looking at is nearly six hundred years old? If only I could age that well.

Confused? I Think So.

Dear Fly

It's Winter.

Now please go away.

Love Kate

For Foodies

My cousin has just set a blog Food that Tastes Great .

I think you could accurately describe her as a weapon in the in the kitchen. I remember our grandmother once telling me off when we were shorter versions of our current selves.

'You don't know how to cook peas? Even Your Cousin can cook peas!' She's a year younger than me so, technically, I suppose in Grandmother's mind I should have already known how to boil peas.


My rational for not knowing how to cook peas was,  'Why -oh- why would I want to know how to cook peas? I'm ten. They're a vegetable.' (Insert noise as though I'm coughing up a fur ball).

Anyway, if you want to learn how to cook way more complicated food that I'm capable of - I highly recommend it.

I'm loving the sound of her bread.

Now I'm just going to have to get her to make it for me. (Only problem is that currently she's holidaying on a yacht off Tonga and has been torturing us with idyllic photos on Facebook, so there's every chance I may never talk to her again).

Wine Fairy

So last Friday we arrive home after a drink down the road to find a bottle of wine on the doorstep.

A Hawkes Bay chardonnay, if you will.

No note, no nothing, just a bottle of wine.

But what to do? (Drink it, obviously)

But what do the Karma Gods say on this? Do we now have to go and anonymously drop a bottle of wine on someone's doorstep so the chain is not broken?

I am not aware of what is protocol when the Wine Fairy visits.

Hell, I didn't even have to leave out a tooth. Does an expensive visit to the dentist count?

Anyone?

Monday Morning Wisdom

And happy July to you! I thought I'd celebrate the fact that winter is a third over with this little pearler. 

It put a smile on my dial!

Words

Ohh look, stripes! Sadly, it's not a feature I've designed, it's just one I can't get rid of due to the fact I'm a Luddite when it comes to cut and paste. 

But hey, I'm just going to embrace it. Do you like my redecoration?

I came across this list the other day - you may well have seen it as it's been doing the rounds on the interweb but it's just too good not to cut and paste repeat. 

In a nutshell it's a list of 25 words that don't exist in the English language: okay, we're kicking off with :

1 Age-otori (Japanese): To look worse after a haircut. Isn't that a great word. I wonder if there's one that's 'To look like a poodle after a blow dry'. I've been there. I needed that word. 

2 Arigata-meiwaku (Japanese): An act someone does for you that you didn’t want to have them do and tried to avoid having them do, but they went ahead anyway, determined to do you a favor, and then things went wrong and caused you a lot of trouble, yet in the end social conventions required you to express gratitude. Oh, that's getting way too complicated for my simple brain, but I can almost get it.

3 Backpfeifengesicht (German): A face badly in need of a fist. I love that word. I work with people who work with people who need that word. 

4 Bakku-shan (Japanese): A beautiful girl… as long as she’s being viewed from behind. Is that better or worse than 'A beautiful person...until they open their mouth'?

5 Desenrascanço (Portuguese): “to disentangle” yourself out of a bad situation (To MacGyver it). I'm okay with 'MacGyver' as a verb. 

6 Duende (Spanish): a climactic show of spirit in a performance or work of art, which might be fulfilled in flamenco dancing, or bull-fighting, etc. I've never needed this word, but I can understand it would be very helpful for some. 

7 Forelsket (Norwegian): The euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love. I can't believe we need ten words to describe this, when one would do.

8 Gigil (pronounced Gheegle; Filipino): The urge to pinch or squeeze something that is unbearably cute. I'm hearing ya. 

9 is a bit boring. 

10 Ilunga (Tshiluba, Congo): A person who is ready to forgive any abuse for the first time, to tolerate it a second time, but never a third time.  A third time? Really? It's sad that this word exists. 

11 L’esprit de l’escalier (French): usually translated as “staircase wit,” is the act of thinking of a clever comeback when it is too late to deliver it. This word is me. 

12 started to lose me and 13 as well. Oh and, add 14. 

15 Meraki (pronounced may-rah-kee; Greek): Doing something with soul, creativity, or love. It’s when you put something of yourself into what you’re doing. I'm loving meraki. 

16 Nunchi (Korean): the subtle art of listening and gauging another’s mood. In Western culture, nunchi could be described as the concept of emotional intelligence. Knowing what to say or do, or what not to say or do, in a given situation. A socially clumsy person can be described as ‘nunchi eoptta’, meaning “absent of nunchi” And I'm loving nunchi as well. 

17 Pena ajena (Mexican Spanish): The embarrassment you feel watching someone else’s humiliation. Does 'cringe and die a little bit inside' also work? 

18 Pochemuchka (Russian): a person who asks a lot of questions. Hmmm, some of my nearest and dearest would argue that we have a word for that in English: 'Kate'.

19 Schadenfreude (German): the pleasure derived from someone else’s pain. I think that's done the jump to English. 

20 Sgriob (Gaelic): The itchiness that overcomes the upper lip just before taking a sip of whisky. Don't get that. 

21 Taarradhin (Arabic): implies a happy solution for everyone, or “I win. You win.” It’s a way of reconciling without anyone losing face. Arabic has no word for “compromise,” in the sense of reaching an arrangement via struggle and disagreement.I like this word. 

22 Tatemae and Honne (Japanese): What you pretend to believe and what you actually believe, respectively. Graham Capill, anyone?

23 Tingo (Pascuense language of Easter Island): to borrow objects one by one from a neighbor’s house until there is nothing left. Don't think I need that word. 

24 Waldeinsamkeit (German): The feeling of being alone in the woods.Does this apply to bears?

25 Yoko meshi (Japanese): literally ‘a meal eaten sideways,’ referring to the peculiar stress induced by speaking a foreign language. I get this !

Anyhou, feel free to expand your vocab. I shall endeavour to (but can safely safe, will fail miserably. But I'm okay with that). 

Where the Hell is Matt?

See if you can watch this without a smile on your dial. 

I do believe it's impossible.

Kitten Mayhem

Check this out.

Brilliant isn't it? Even when you hardly understand a word.

But watch it again and check out the attention to detail. Milk out of the water cooler. Fish out of the vending machine, little bowls of milks on the table at the board room meeting, 'meow, meow, meow' as subtitles on the television. And my personal favourite - le chastronaute.

But what a casting nightmare.

@#$%& Printer!

A friend sent me this.....

....genius!

I hear where that pussy cat is coming from. Those printers never learn. 

I'm a filthy Robber.

I swiped this from Brother-in-law's Facebook. 

But it made me laugh so I have no shame. 

Ratings Winner

This, I have cut and paste straight from Facebook.

Saudis have created their own version of the "Arabs Got Talent" TV reality show, but with no music and women banned from taking part. Instead, competitors (male only) will be permitted to perform religious chants, recite poems and engage in sports events.

A quick Google search backs it all up.  This obvious ratings knock out is called 'Buraydah's Got Talent' and, Simon Cowell, eat your heart out cause these judges consist of a poet,  television presenters and a television producer.

Sensational. I have got to get to see a bit of that.

Taking the Piss

There’s a woman who sits on the footpath near my workplace and asks for spare change from all and sundry who walk by.

Recently I stopped feeling guilty about not giving her any coins after I spotted her smoking when she was on a break.

I didn’t realise quite how experienced she was at parking up and requesting money until the other day when I spotted her on the ground outside bakery. I heard the end of a conversation she was having with a stranger who had stopped. He was telling her he would buy her a cheesy roll.

‘Could ya get them to heat it up?’ She yelled after him as he headed into the bakery.

And in one small sentence she reiterated why I give my spare change to kids who busk. 

Joke Time

What are the first three letters of the Greek alphabet?

I.O.U.

Thank you Popbitch.

Further to my Last Post

Further to the conversation I told you about in my last post, I received this email from the bloke I had the conversation with:

On 25/05/12 2:31 PM, "A Director" @companyIwork for.com> wrote:

Just letting you know InsertnameofEditor and I have decided it’s in the company’s best interests to adopt EDRS for Showwemake. Insertnamesofanother Director & Editor are already using the Edit Decision Review System successfully. EDRS is an internationally recognised benchmark for quality television production allows for only one change per episode. It’s very cheap and amazingly quick to install.

However if you do wish to proceed, use EDRS  sparingly because the system allows for one decision or change only per episode. Whatever layers of bureaucracy you report to, are not necessarily anything to do with us or the Union (See Insertnameofanother Editor working for company).

To which I replied:

On 25/05/12 2:44 PM, "Laughy Kate" @companyIworkfor.com> wrote:

Just letting you and Editor  know that I have just  had approved by management WKSGM for  Insertnameofshowwemake, effective immediately. 

WKSGM is also an internationally recognised benchmark for quality television production and if you’re not familiar with it – it is an acronym for What Kate Says Goes, Motherfuckers. 

I hope you will enjoy  this cutting edge, exciting initiative as much as I will. 

Just Another Day at the Office

So there I am sitting at my desk, watching down a compile of a show I’m making.  Hear something. Ring the edit suite.

Bloke on my Team:  ‘Hello?’

Me: ‘No, no, no, no, no! You cannot adds farts!’

Bloke on my Team: ‘What farts?’

Me: ‘The two farts you added!’

Bloke on my Team: ‘What farts?’

Me: ‘ The one at 02:14 and the one at 04:05! ’

Bloke on my Team : ‘Who was farting? What are you talking about?’

Me: ‘You two have the collective mental age of 14!’ (Their collective age is about eighty).

Bloke on my Team: ‘But farts are funny!’

Me: ‘Not if you’re me when I’m putting this show in front of X (important person), X (another important person) and Y ( another important person who it’s a wise idea not to piss off). 

Bloke on my Team (a sigh so heavy with emotional disappointment that you would be forgiven for thinking that I’d just fired him). ‘Oh, okay, we’ll take them out’.

Me: ‘Thank you’.

Bloke on my Team: ‘But you never know, we might have already added some more in other places.

Me: I would print my response but it’s not that polite. So I’ll show you a picture  instead.